Insert frantic waving here. Hello dudes, dudettes and the possibly empty room I'm presently yelling into. Welcome one and all to another in a long line of misleadingly titled WEEKLY SHAWARMA! Since I'm a safe distance away from you, dear reader, you'll simply have to imagine the shower of balloons and indoor fireworks that went with that capslock abuse. Let's get to it.

1. Watching

All the YouTube. All of it. You know the scene in "Her" when Scarlett Joperatingsystem finally leaves to go become part of the internet? That's me, now. I know everything. I also was probably drinking while watching that movie.

There are too many perf channels with so much incredible content (Dr. Horrible shout out!), but your host for the evening is reaaaally getting into OnlyLeigh right now. Behold.

Hashtag flawliss. Go check it out. Literally right now. Your neighbour won't mind.

2. Reading

Holly Madison's memoir, "Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny". Ye can find the synopsis here.

If this seems like a random was. I'll admit I never really gave Holly much thought, never watched either of her shows when they were on telly, etc, but the book was pleasant. Creepy as hell (there are things we never needed to know about the Playboy mansion), but pleasant. 
Some parts did seem to play up Holly as an IRL Mary Sue, but overall, you kind of see where she was coming from. I dunno, the book was ok.

3. Really Getting Into

Hershey's milk chocolate with almonds bar. Went to Tuskys to get my usual Toblerone white, or failing that, a Milky Bar but they were out of BOTH. The inhumanity. Also, I lied, I was definitely going to buy both types of chocolate.

Anywayyy, disappointed and convinced that happiness was just a cruel illusion, Evey G. decided to get a Hershey's bar instead. Real talk, each time I've bought one, I've intended to take a pic...but completely zoned out and ate them in a trance state before I could. Why yes, I do have a problem, thanks for noticing.

I'm going to go over here and continue being an adult now, please see yourselves out. Until next time, Kisses!

Photo credits below.

Aloha good people, and what it do. Yours truly decided to undo her long suffering box braids this weekend all by her lonesome: an all night long endeavour that calls for an arsenal of snackables (banana crisps ftw!), a pillow fort and of course, entertainment.
Now, if you're thinking "How better to stay awake all night than in the throes of complete terror, jumping at every random sound", you sir/ma'am/sentient potato, have the right idea. Armed with this train of thought, this reporter proceeded to gather unto herself the following iconic films and got down to it.

1. Dracula (1931)

Obvious hipster pick. Some of the scenes intended to be scary-  like Dracula's slow motion exit from his coffin, or shots of the lair, featuring a random possum- are admittedly hilarious from the 2015 perspective, but I am still a fan.

"Bela Lugosi changed the vampire movie genre by single-handedly bringing suave sophistication back to what Nosferatu and ancient lore made a disgusting monster."
-My Sanctimonious Opinion (2015)

The film still has a high, if unintentional creep factor, though: this drags it into the right side of horror movie history in that disjointed Old Hollywood way.
Rating: 4.73 stars out of 5
Bonus: Viewing party for "Nosferatu"? Guys, we can do this.

2. The Voices (2014)

Where to start. The film is about a kindly factory worker (played by Ryan Reynolds who COMPLETELY knocks it out of the park on this one) who we come to find out is very mentally unwell and what comes of this. The film is actually laugh out loud funny in some parts, which given the subject matter, is straight up heroic on the writer's part.

This movie is incredible for a couple of reasons. First, as a lifelong fan of Criminal Minds, you come to (rightly) view serial killers as vile monsters, driven by forces we can't properly understand. With The Voices we get a behind-the-scenes view of what exactly goes on in the minds of these people responsible for some of the strangest, most disgusting crimes in history. It's not often you're sympathetic of and almost cheering for the serial murderer but this movie takes you there.

There's a scene in which the psychiatrist explains to Jerry that much as he hears voices in his head, so do we. The voice telling you you can't succeed, the voice calling you fat, the voice calling you unworthy of love. We all hear the whispers, maybe not telling us to murder our friends, but they're there all the same: and the best we can do is argue back and prove them wrong.

It's pretty amazing the balance they manage to strike between telling an overall gruesome story, without being dark and depressing. In the back of your mind, you know we're seeing through Jerry's eyes and things are not as they seem- but you WANT to stay in that rosy perspective, not deal with reality. Exactly like Jerry does. Yup. You just found the killer relatable.

A lot of this is because of Ryan Reynolds. This incredibly funny and unreasonably hot actor transforming into a sad, likeable if slightly pathetic protagonist (antagonist?) is a feat that should not be possible. Reynolds is heartbreaking, which could have made for a downer of a film, but his sunny perspective keeps everything upbeat and optimistic.

Rating: 72 stars out of 5
As a cat lady, I do kinda object to Mr. Whiskers being the voice of all the murder urges. Hearing "ridiculous peasant" in a gruff Irish accent, though? Priceless.

3. The Perfect Guy (2015)

Ok, so this isn't out yet, but, I did watch the trailer (HERE) and I am already among the top 5 stans globally.
The plot seems pretty formulaic for this genre of movies.
Michael Ealy and Michael Ealy's blue eyes start out as the too good to be true rebound guy for the woman that just broke up with Insensitive Morris Chestnut, but things quickly take a left turn and keep going into oblivion.
As someone who loved and was terrorized by Hillary Swank and Jeffrey Dean Morgan's The Resident, movies like this are always a little bit more scary because it's not some supernatural evil: this happens in real life. So, fantastic first date movie.

Rating: Predicted 4.21743 out of 5 stars
Almost enough to get me to the theatre to watch it. Almost.

4. The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Joss Whedon. Enough said. But I'll keep talking. The premise is amazing: an old Hollywood mainstay adapted to reflect the modern reality. Dialogue naturally on point, Chris Hemsworth, gratuitous boobies and a tweeeest ending all wrapped in jump scares galore.
This starts out as a generic horror movie but spins into a meta, psychological thriller mindf*ck INSIDE the horror movie and it's beautiful. Get. On. It.

Rating: WhedonCannotBeQuestioned out of 5 stars
Seriously. He's like Beyonce. Don't do it.

5. The Thing (2011)

Alright, so this wasn't necessarily watched during the great Hair All Nighter of 2015, but it was wisely watched at 03:00am on a different insomniac night, so it still counts.
Remakes generally get a lot of flack for blaspheming the source material, but your resident 90s kid has yet to watch the original so *Kanye shrug*.
Plus, given the choice, in most cases I'll go for the remake since they probably have the budget and CGI to take the original concepts to the next level, sooo *second Kanye shrug*
The horror of this movie was not in the alien killer monster thingie, it was in the "anyone you know and trust could be an imposter alien monster thing". This and other body snatcher movies are literally the worst type of horror because it plays on and amplifies your base fear of being completely alone, able to trust only yourself.
Like any storm cloud, however, this has a silver lining: rampant flame-thrower murder! So maybe not so bad?

Rating: 4.3 out of 5 stars
Ramona Flowers is doing great since the break up.

Right, for nocturnal activities of a questionable nature and keeping the lights on all night, this has been Evey G. Sleep tight, folks.
Here we are folks: a review of "Suckers" by the incredible, possible secret goth deity from outer space, Z. Rider (on Twitter here!). This review had initially been put up TWICE but had to be pulled due to technical difficulties so no, you weren't hallucinating that.

Your friendly neighbourhood Sana Solo impersonator has since had time to sit with her thoughts and redo this review to properly honour the book. Let's get into it, yeah? NO SPOILERS.

"Suckers" starts with a musician in a semi-successful band, Dan Ferry, walking back to his hotel with a bandmate and cutting through an alley, which is where everything immediately goes to hell. To quote Goodreads:

Now terrified of what will happen if he doesn't get his fix--and terrified of what he'll do to get it-- he turns to his best friend and bandmate (from the alley!), Ray Ford for help.
But what the two don't know as they try to keep Dan's situation quiet is that the parasite driving Dan's addiction to human blood has the potential to wipe put mankind.

I know, right? Seriously, you guys. *froths at the mouth* Here's everything you need to know about this book:

What You Will LOVE

1. The Concept. This is a fresh take and great new perspective on a genre that is very easy to get wrong. The author manages to take a great story and wrap it around an excellent idea in a way that's enjoyable to read and try to figure out. Speaking of which...

2. The Tweeests. There is no spoiler-free way to comment on this, but suffice it to say, WOW. That, ladies and gents is how you turn a surprise corner without spinning into "unnecessary and also please don't".

3. The Characters. On some level, it feels like these are actually people the author knows in real life. This raises the unfortunate possibility that Rider is actually from the near future where this may be the fate that awaits the human race. O____o
The characters are very human: deeply flawed, kind of awful people, but with important (very few) redeeming graces, just like you and me! Mostly you.

4. Good Scary. The most enjoyable part of this book will be the relatable horror. The way the story is written is deeply immersive: you feel like you could wake up tomorrow and this could be your reality, on either side of the coin. A horror movie with some fantastical beast is a good time, but it's the movies that seem like REAL things that could happen to you that's the most unnerving and insidious. Hats off. Which brings us to...

5. The Realism. Characters grounded in actual human behaviour, no Mary Sue's, no dramatic government rescues: "Suckers" does a lot to show what real, average humans would do in the face of the literal nightmare that their world suddenly becomes. Everything plays out exactly how you would theoretically expect it to in present day Earth. Again, WOW.

What You Won't Like

Obviously, you will grow to stan incredibly hard for this book once you're done. Your one possible complaint might be that the book is a bit slow to start. You'll understand that the author needs to make us live the experience and appreciate it later in the book, and of course the pacing gets much better the deeper you go in, but yeah, the start might bother you a little.

An obvious 25 out of 10 stars. Read it, you must.

For Monday Like a Sir, this has been Evey G. Mwah, my minions.


Ok, can we just take a moment to talk about that ending? Where they went with Ray's story had me so bothered, I literally wrote a fanfic alternate ending in which Ray survived. LITERALLY. Maybe he was saved by a new character who is also a blogger that likes anime and looked a lot like yours truly, the world will never know. Months and months later, I'm still horrified, but excited to read the sequel with the terror worm things that are the next wave after this initial one.
Also, real talk? If that was my life, I'd live as best I could until I got infected, then attack a military installation in a blood lust rage so they'd kill me since I'd be too chicken to do it my self, ok?
In summary, Z. Rider (who is actually incredibly nice and funny on email & Twitter) had this all the way right and we are now eternal fans. Spread the gospel!

Buenos freezing coldos, mis amigos! With the change in the weather comes a shift in the cosmic tides that must align for a dose of Weekly Shawarma- leggo!

1. Reading
All the things. Seriously. Early last month I got into an incredible book called "The Girl With All The Gifts", which I cannot wait to talk about up in hurr. The problem with books that get you emotionally invested is the aftermath: when you're entirely too drained to start another book properly so you kind of taper off on the Goodreads Challenge? Yeah.
To counter this, I started on a bunch of shorter novellas, and where better to head to than long beloved classics. From "Breakfast at Tiffany's" to "The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy" (the first book) I haz read alla the things.
Currently, I'm wrapping up on Neil Gaiman's "The Ocean At The End of The Lane" and you guys? You guys. WOW. I just..I need a moment. *weeping heard off stage*

2. Watching
Someone recommended a series called "Scorpion" to me, about this genius hacker and his genius team of geniuses who genius harder than all the other geniuses. ...Geniuii? Whatever. Point is, it is the WORST and I'm loading episode 5 as we speak.
Honurable mention- Cutting It: In The ATL.

3. Living For
Summaries! There are actually so many of the things y'all need to be enjoying, I believe a "Best of" post is in order. The main advantage of being an indoors cat who will viciously slice your face open if you try to drag me into the sun is all the really excellent stuff you discover as far as TV and books are concerned. Yiss. Stay tuned.
For shamelessly delayed posts and absolutely blowing your mind with amazing recommendations, this has been Evey G.