Salutations friends, foes and hate-readers who just can't quit me. The Easter holiday has lent (lended?) itself to sloth, finding this reporter clad in pajamas and fabulously unkempt hair *adjusts reading glasses*. In search of inspiration, I flung open the Evey Archives and unearthed a piece from last year.

with my teddy bear and a few friends, casually hanging out. bodybuilding

If you'll remember, there was a Kwani Trust event set up last year for incredible Kenyan author Binyavanga Wainaina to launch his book and have a wee meet and greet with his fans. Naturally, this was an event that I couldn't miss. The following is a satirical item I wrote about trying to find someone to drag along with me, titled "aaaaand Scene!". Hark!

 Bonsoir!

 The following is my impression of a highly self-involved young lady in pursuit of any opportunity to self aggrandize. Enjoy.

my.opera

There is to be a book launch at Nairobi Railways Museum on Friday at 6:30pm; seeing as how I missed the Africa Yoga Project stop-over I was so looking forward to, to let this pass me by would be punishable by guillotine, much like my kindred spirit in spoilt, self-involved antics, Marie Antoinette.

In my quest for literary fulfillment, I find that no person in my now humble phonebook has been deemed....I shall use 'worthy' for lack of a better term, to accompany me to this event. If I'm to be honest (with myself) this book launch is more than just an opportunity to flex my snob muscles or feed into my esoteric tendencies; it's my phoenix moment. The singular point in time when I salvage what is left of the admirable ingénue in the old Hollywood film of my life. As played by Debbie Reynolds of course, Hepburn et al are just so played out, and I've always thought I'd be a vision in red hair.

As such, I have elected to grace the Nairobi literati with my presence unmarred by the companionship of the philistines who I regretfully call...my "friends".

*theatrical sigh & walk across the room to a window*

....Non monsieur, let the provincial fools carry on with their calls for bread: I choose to indulge in my cake, even though it means I shall dine *close-up shot* ...alone. I must face the flames...if I am to be reborn. I fear I must bring this correspondence to an end; I leave you with the immortal words uttered by many a girl in my position; facing a first date (with myself):

"omgomgomgomg what am i gonna WEAR!"

-Every Girl Ever

ellisonsmachineshop

There you have it, that is my offering for today. Tune in next time for more creative writing and/or whatever is on my mind that particular day. From we here at OHASZ, have an awesome Easter weekend.

mwah, mwah, m.WAH! pichaus

I'm 93% sure that there is no need for me to have a lengthy introduction to the phenomenon that is the TV series The Vampire Diaries,  which is good, since I had no plans of trying to explain anything that happens on there.

this was a thing that happened with magic swords. Price Peterson

While there are a number of characters on the show that I ADORE and want to have little vampwolf puppy-babies with, this is not about them.

regardless of how gorgeous the babies would be. imgfave

 No, friends, this will be about one of the most underrated characters on the show, the witch Bonnie Bennet.

I'm fabulous. nowhitenoise

Specifically, the incredible actress who plays Bonnie (who's terrible apart from season 4, you go girl), Miss Kat Graham.

werk! theentertainmenthotline

If you clicked on the link above, you should already see some of why I think Kat is amazing: apart from speaking Spanish, Hebrew, French and Portuguese, *jaw drops* Ms Graham has also been in the biz for quite a while, starting out in commercials aged 6. What were you doing when you were 6?

Ahem. beefymuchacho

 

Admirable child star trajectory aside, reading through Kat's body of work makes one thing abundantly clear: regardless of what else she was involved in between 1995 and now, the one that's stayed the same is her drive to pursue a musical career. With random gigs tangentially related to the music industry as well as acting roles to help drive up her exposure and find industry connections, Kat has stayed true to her course and has finally made it.

Preach! dailypositivequotes

Finally signing a recording contract with major label A&M Octone Records in 2012, Kat dropped her (first official?) single, Put Your Graffiti On Me, which you can listen to on Grooveshark at that link. On a related note, don't you just get so worked up when you're trying to find a song on Soundcloud and EVERY search result is a cover or remix??

 lunachan

My point here is that Kat persevered, writing music, background dancing and fabulously defying the laws of fashion until her dream worked out, fabulously.

Still fabulous. katgraham

The video for her epic track "Wanna Say" can be found on YouTube and is definitely worth checking out, if not for the super catchy beats, then for the fierce fashion moments that will CHANGE. YOUR. LIFE. Observe:

Lace eyebrows = Every Girl's Best Friend. ryanseacrest

Or this:

 eyelid rhinestones are Spring must-haves. pausaparafeminices

 Or this reminder that exercising can be sexy when you combine squats and a bright red lip:

 Gloves optional. toyazworld

Sheer Awesomenes in volumes that mere mortals can barely comprehend, which is to be expected by default from the lady that gave us this ensemble:

More fabulous than you. haryanaabtak

There you have it: Ms (soon to be Mrs by the by) Katerina Alexandre Graham has taught us all how to get it: go after what you want, even if you have to do a few things in the meantime that have no relation to your passion, every experience is a lesson. Fashion inspiration and pursuer of success, we salute you.

F.a.b.u.l.o.u.s   glee

As a writer (I can call myself that, because I write on this blog, and there's nothing you can do about it) I find that studying at the feet of masters helps shape my own literary voice. To this end, I'm an avid reader of most anything: from Classics to more breezy, light-weight articles, with a few exceptions.

not for all the anime in Japan. whatiboughttoday

Today, I shall be profiling a poem by on of the original masters, William E Henley, who I'm sure you're familiar with from "Invictus", popularized by the 2009 film of the same name.While I'm yet to watch the film myself, I'm sure hearing the poem read out by Morgan Freeman is a great introduction to possibly the most inspirational thing in recent times, short of a training montage in which the trainer climbs out of the TV to whip you into shape while "Eye of the Tiger" plays.

Everybody now, push ups! fascinationwithfear

While "Invictus' does resonate with me, my subject for today will be a one in an entirely different vein. If the poem has a name, I'm unaware, the best I know it as is "To W.A.".

Or ever the knightly years were gone

With the old world to the grave,

I was a King in Babylon

And you were a Christian Slave.

Fledgling intellectual analysis coming through, bear with me: the first thing I gather here is that the poem is set in a ways back in history (clarifications of exact timeline are welcome in the comments) during the days when Christians were oppressed peoples enslaved to Babylon.

back when people dressed like this. last.fm

We have an admitted King of Babylon and a Christian slave at his mercy since, who's going to diss the King?

I saw, I took, I cast you by,

I bent and broke your pride.

You loved me well, or I heard them lie,

But your longing was denied.

Surely I knew that by and by

You cursed your gods and died.

The classic tale, King sets his eye on a powerless Slave and seduces her (I'm inferring, go with it) using her for his own selfish ends. Meanwhile, the Slave falls for the King, becoming so enamoured with him that after he's quite done using her, she realises what happened, and that she can never truly have the King. Heartbroken, she "curses her gods" and dies. Ain't that always the way?

Don't do it, girl. cheezburger

 The poor Girl now dead, King Doucherocket commissions a grave for her then promptly forgets she ever existed as seen in the next verse:

And a myriad suns have set and shone

Since then upon the grave

Decreed by the King in Babylon

To her that had been his Slave.

 Real winner, this King. An indeterminate amount of time passes since the tragic passing of the heartbroken girl, presumably while the King buys up bulk cases of Ye Olde Axe Body Spray and gets a spray tan.

Totally, bro. quickmeme

This is where it gets really awesome really fast:

The pride I trampled is now my scathe,

For it tramples me again.

The old resentment lasts like death,

For you love, yet you refrain.

I break my heart on your hard unfaith,

And I break my heart in vain.

 
 Oh, William. Big Willey. H-man. A fine writer, indeed you were. In just one verse, the King goes from repulsive character to human haunted by his misdeeds. I'm a bit fuzzy on the exact literal meaning of this bit but what I gather is the King realises the Slave truly loved him, and begins to regret his treatment of her, perhaps having sought this sort of love and not found it?

Must..resist... mobilclubs

The next verse's interpretation depends on where you are in life: you're either celebrating the King's anguish or genuinely empathizing with his regret.

Yet not for an hour do I wish undone

The deed beyond the grave,

When I was a King in Babylon

And you were a Virgin Slave.

 

 The concept of doing something you regret, and wishing for anything that you could take it back is one thing, but the finality of knowing the one you wronged is long dead and you cannot atone is a different kettle if fish. Way to make me think grow-up thoughts Henley. Right in the feels, man!

Right. In. The. Feels. threadless

There you have it. Henley paints a master portrait of a character that starts out despicable then runs the course through to sympathetic. Mostly because in my head, he's in his late 90s looking back on his life with regret for so deeply wounding another human being. And you KNOW there's nothing sadder than a sad old guy.

Except this. This is worse. memecenter

Because being pseudo-intellectual is a thing that happens, it is customary for me to infer an alternate meaning that is connected (tenuously at best) to the poem:

We, modern society, are the King of Babylon and the Earth is the Christian Slave. Stay with me here, modern society consistently pollutes, contaminates and violates Mother Earth in ways that would be applauded if the consequences weren't so heinous. The last paragraph is the regret that future generations will have to contend with as the human race wishes we had worked harder to preserve our resources. SURPRISE GREEN ATTACK!

An inconvenient truth. ...get it? Ok. anonymousartofrevolution

That, Ladies and Gents is my interpretation of to W.A. One final theory: since poets of the day would address their works so, referring to an actual individual (Edgar Allan Poe's "To M.L.S." referring to an actual individual, Marie Louise Shew) it is entirely possible that Henley screwed over someone with the initials W.A. or confided in W.A of his indiscretion. Plot Twist!

Thank you, M. Night ShymaDestroyTheAvatarFranchise. io9

 There you have it: the beginners guide to an amazing Henley poem. Until next time, 'tis I, Captain Obvious, signing out.

via deartrolls, a most excellent tumblr that I applaud.