Everyone likes book reviews. They're a quick and easy way to tell if you should read a book you're on the fence about, and sometimes they have instructions on opening portals to alternate dimensions where you always look best in group photos. There are those among us that are talented at condensing key plot points or stylistic devices, in a way that immerses you into the world of the book, while leaving enough suspense to make you want to go read it yourself. We call them "Excellent Reviewers" or "People That Need to Stop Being Amazing". Then there's the other camp that lays out every plot twist in the most flat and unappetizing way possible. These are the worst and we will not speak of them for they desecrate the work of the mortal gods that write.

Individual Credits Below.

In spite of my own personal deficiencies in review prowess, and knowing how difficult it is to introduce a reader to a book you love, there are those that are just too good to let go of without shouting from the rooftops, hence the review attempts scattered all over here.
There are, however, books that this reporter has loved, but recognizes that no amount of masterful summarizing can ever do justice. *"Guardians of the Galaxy" theme song plays* The following are those books:

1. "The Girl With All The Gifts" by M.R. Carey

This book is beyond incredible. Post-apocalyptic worlds and a plot that slowly sucks you in...before jumping out from behind a corner and smacking you across the face with a crowbar. It's a journey, this: a beautifully written journey that will very much creep you out. There is no way to review this while preserving the suspense, so I'll let Goodreads do the introduction, here.

Goodreads

2. "The Hitchiker's Guide to The Galaxy" by Douglas Adams

This is a Monty Python sketch you can read. Impossibly funny, chock full of twists and shamelessly English, the only plausible summary of this book is "What...the fuck. What the fuck?" followed by uproarious laughter. Stop reviewing this book (and others in the series, probably), but definitely keep quoting it. #DontPanic Find a proper description here.

My Comic Shop

3. "Suckers" by Z. Rider

Yup, this is on a list of books no review could ever do right by about 3 seconds after a review by yours truly went up; hypocrisy is real and also let me live. Thing is, though, there are two other versions of this review lurking somewhere in my drafts folders. It was that hard putting into words exactly what I enjoyed about this book, because there was SO much, a lot of which I still don't understand how to explain to date. A review had to be done, however, because as we agreed above, some books are too good to not talk about. So here we are. A proper description is here.

4. "A Scanner Darkly" by Philip K. Dick

Speculative fiction, I'm alright with, but out and out science fiction often goes completely over my head. That's why this book caught me so completely by surprise. Truth be told, there were large swathes of it that I straight up skipped- like the parts in German, what was that about? The works of Philip K. Dick generally leave me feeling like I just ate tinsel during a rave, but this. THIS. You guys. Just... 

Description here. 

Skillshare

5. "The Ocean At The End of The Lane" by Neil Gaiman

Have I mentioned that Neil Gaiman is a genius? If I haven't allow me to do so now. This book had made its debut on one of our shawarmy adventures here and its shine is yet to wear off. An official synopsis can be found here, but the story starts...with....

*remembers plot*

*bursts into fresh tears*

*is unable to complete entry*

*skips ahead to the next point*

 Geeky News

6. "The Rook" by Daniel O'Malley (The Checquy Files #1)

By far the best thing about this book is the flawless world building. I stand before you a sworn avoider of book series (that are not Animorphs or Goosebumps) that actively wants to read the rest of the books that come after this one. O'Malley knows how to set a stage like no one else.

Find a summary of the book here, but go into it knowing the Mary Sue is strong in this one, the protagonist is not super likeable and some of the dialogue is...lol. You should still read it, though, because there is a character named Gestalt who is everything. 

Goodreads

Right, there you have it. For reviews that aren't reviews and a possible plea for a revolution to make book summaries consist solely of "YOU SHOULD READ THIS" with an appropriate number of exclamation marks, this has been Evey G. Namaste, beloveds.

Here we are folks: a review of "Suckers" by the incredible, possible secret goth deity from outer space, Z. Rider (on Twitter here!). This review had initially been put up TWICE but had to be pulled due to technical difficulties so no, you weren't hallucinating that.

zriderwriter

Your friendly neighbourhood Sana Solo impersonator has since had time to sit with her thoughts and redo this review to properly honour the book. Let's get into it, yeah? NO SPOILERS.

"Suckers" starts with a musician in a semi-successful band, Dan Ferry, walking back to his hotel with a bandmate and cutting through an alley, which is where everything immediately goes to hell. To quote Goodreads:

Now terrified of what will happen if he doesn't get his fix--and terrified of what he'll do to get it-- he turns to his best friend and bandmate (from the alley!), Ray Ford for help.

But what the two don't know as they try to keep Dan's situation quiet is that the parasite driving Dan's addiction to human blood has the potential to wipe put mankind.

I know, right? Seriously, you guys. *froths at the mouth* Here's everything you need to know about this book:

What You Will LOVE

1. The Concept. This is a fresh take and great new perspective on a genre that is very easy to get wrong. The author manages to take a great story and wrap it around an excellent idea in a way that's enjoyable to read and try to figure out. Speaking of which...

2. The Tweeests. There is no spoiler-free way to comment on this, but suffice it to say, WOW. That, ladies and gents is how you turn a surprise corner without spinning into "unnecessary and also please don't".

3. The Characters. On some level, it feels like these are actually people the author knows in real life. This raises the unfortunate possibility that Rider is actually from the near future where this may be the fate that awaits the human race. O____o
The characters are very human: deeply flawed, kind of awful people, but with important (very few) redeeming graces, just like you and me! Mostly you.

4. Good Scary. The most enjoyable part of this book will be the relatable horror. The way the story is written is deeply immersive: you feel like you could wake up tomorrow and this could be your reality, on either side of the coin. A horror movie with some fantastical beast is a good time, but it's the movies that seem like REAL things that could happen to you that's the most unnerving and insidious. Hats off. Which brings us to...

5. The Realism. Characters grounded in actual human behaviour, no Mary Sue's, no dramatic government rescues: "Suckers" does a lot to show what real, average humans would do in the face of the literal nightmare that their world suddenly becomes. Everything plays out exactly how you would theoretically expect it to in present day Earth. Again, WOW.

What You Won't Like

Obviously, you will grow to stan incredibly hard for this book once you're done. Your one possible complaint might be that the book is a bit slow to start. You'll understand that the author needs to make us live the experience and appreciate it later in the book, and of course the pacing gets much better the deeper you go in, but yeah, the start might bother you a little.

Rating
An obvious 25 out of 10 stars. Read it, you must.

For Monday Like a Sir, this has been Evey G. Mwah, my minions.

IF YOU HAVE READ IT (SPOILERS)

Ok, can we just take a moment to talk about that ending? Where they went with Ray's story had me so bothered, I literally wrote a fanfic alternate ending in which Ray survived. LITERALLY. Maybe he was saved by a new character who is also a blogger that likes anime and looked a lot like yours truly, the world will never know. Months and months later, I'm still horrified, but excited to read the sequel with the terror worm things that are the next wave after this initial one.
Also, real talk? If that was my life, I'd live as best I could until I got infected, then attack a military installation in a blood lust rage so they'd kill me since I'd be too chicken to do it my self, ok?
In summary, Z. Rider (who is actually incredibly nice and funny on email & Twitter) had this all the way right and we are now eternal fans. Spread the gospel!

Everyone knows that the fastest, most indisputable way to prove that you are extremely classy & much better than everyone else in the room is to quote classic novels. Obviously.

The problem is usually how to get them when you're spending most of your budget on buying action figures of the Fast & Furious 7 cast. We understand, and we gotchu. #CheapskateTips

Cheapskate Game STRONG. pixgood

The good news is, most classic books are now Public Domain, which means it is completely within the law to distribute/acquire them, making them available all over the internet.

Walk with us for how to get your mitts on said books 100% for free so you too, can live Like a Sir.

First Things First

The internet can be a cruel, scary place.
With downloading things from the internet, whatever it may be, there's always the risk of getting a nasty virus that will brick your phone or computer.

This is where you start taking notes. mtv

One easy way to get around this is to go to your browser settings under "downloads" & make it so every download has to be approved before saving. Then, make a point of checking the format tag of the download: anything ending in ".exe" is pretty much guaranteed to be a malicious program (virus in Swahili) and all you have to do is click "cancel".

Also, if you'd like to use e-books but not buy a dedicated device to read them (for convenience or because you're a card carrying cheapskate like yours truly), you always have your phone.
Essentially every OS out there has e-reader apps you can download for free & bring your books with you wherever you are.

One good one I've had for ages is FB Reader, though recent unnecessary & unfortunate updates have had me switch to Aldiko, which continues to serve me well. Which brings us to:

Apps

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Some (deathly awesome) e-readers, like the very same Aldiko, have the provision to let you download a decent selection of free books directly from within the app. 

Simply searching your specific app store for free books should yield results as well: for Android, I've used Moon+ Reader with decent results and LibriVox during an audio book phase. Apple and Windows phone users, please feel free to share some of the free book apps you've found on your side as well. Thank you!

Online

We've established that if you're reading this, you are a literal cat. weknowgifs

There are an eleventyfive million sites where you can search for, learn about and download books that you'll be awkwardly referencing at children's birthday parties for years to come. Thus far, these sites have never failed me:

Adelaide, Feedbooks, Epub Books, Many Books and of course, Project Gutenberg.

All five are searchable sites that have books in pretty much any format your e-reader takes. I've been using them sites for years and can personally vouch for their quality, variety and lack of viruses/programs that can otherwise harm your dear electronics.

This is not to say that there are no other options: a  very comprehensive list of e-book resources by genre and book format can be found here on Gecko and Fly, but aside from the above named Big Five, we cannot speak to the safety/free download availability of each individual site mentioned therein. Do make a point of checking it out, though: there is some useful information on searching for books online and you might find your new favourite download source either way. 

Righto, for Monday Like A Sir, this has been Evey G. Cheerio, and remember:

Yes, you specifically. Call me. giphy

Greetings, dear citizens of the internet, from your favourite procrastinator. March was an unreasonably busy month so posts kind of tapered off, but never fear: we're back in gear. On with the review!

The Book

"We Are All Completely Fine" is a novella from stunning wordsmith Daryl Gregory, who I have ranted and raved about before and this, folks, THIS. The book is an across the board revelation: Gregory is letting you know that he knows he's the man, and you know he's the man, and he knows that you know that he knows that you know he's the man. ...I'm 90% sure that reads how I wanted it to. #DealWithIt

Harrison is the Monster Detective, a storybook hero. Now he's in his mid-thirties and spends most of his time not sleeping.

Stan became a minor celebrity after being partially eaten by cannibals. Barbara is haunted by the messages carved upon her bones. Greta may or may not be a mass-murdering arsonist. And for reason, Martin never takes off his sunglasses.

Unsurprisingly, no one believes their horrific tales until they are sought out by psychotherapist Dr. Jan Sayer. What happens when these likely-insane outcasts join a support group? Together they must discover which monsters they face are within and which are lurking in plain sight

Summary from Goodreads. Find an excerpt here.

What You'll Like 

The novella is beautifully paced. Since it's very short, and Gregory has chosen to focus on an ensemble cast, this could easily have felt like way too much plot stuffed into one small package, so this is no small feat in itself.
The group of characters themselves are diverse and have stories you'll be dying to hear properly fleshed out in their entirety, though Gregory does a good job of slipping us all the information relevant to the story. So intriguing, actually, are the characters that Gregory has dropped a new book based on the lead: Harrison Harrison. Find an excerpt here.
The story is beautifully woven and you'll enjoy reading from start until about 3 pages to the finish. Here, you'll realize you only have 3 pages left and procees to completely lose your shit because omg this book should have lasted forever.
You will also love and be creeped out/forever haunted by Martin's storyline. L'chaim.

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What You Won't Like

Nothing. Shhhhhhh, beloved, shhhhhhh. Just go with it.

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If this is your first Daryl Gregory book, you will want to read more, believe you me. Pick up what is in my opinion his best work yet, Afterparty, then come back and show your gratitude in wine coupons.

You might also be possessed to read "Unpossible and Other Stories" his short story anthology. Don't do it. I won't even link the book here is how much you should not do it. Seriously. Seriously.

For hella delayed reviews and promises to do better, this has been your Monday Like A Sir guide, Evey G.

Original Image

The thing about being a reader, and being known as one, is that people always try to get you to read their personal faves. Maybe they want to find common ground to talk about with your introverted self, maybe they want you to join their particular cult- these things cannot be known.

What is known, however, is that I generally tend to look up and act upon majority of the recommendations that come way...aside from the self improvement, self help type tomes. Today though, this changes. THE WORLD CHANGES.

After hearing enough "this book will shift the way you understand the universe/it did so much for me/I got a tattoo of the author's hairline after reading", I have decided to bite the bullet, and you're coming with me.
To madness, sirs!

1. "A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy" 

Miyamoto Musashi (translator - Victor Harris)

Feedbooks where you can actually legally download the book

The exact quote that came with this recommendation was "Hey, you're into all that ninja cartoon stuff, right?", referring to my anime fandom, otaku stylings and general fangirling. Which, I mean...

This book is allegedly by an ancient Samurai (suspicious) and remains relevant to date. Let's see.

2. "The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business" 

Charles Duhigg

Retreat by Random House

This was recommended by a fellow scholar of human psychology, which is to say another person that enjoys endless navel-gazing and deciding we're special snowflakes as much as I do. So, the best. 

I've actually gone through more than half the book thus far and picked up some pointers that SHOULD be obvious but that I'm betting you hadn't thought of either, with the added benefit of cutesy diagrams.

Goodreads

Fear not, it isn't another "You is strong, you is kind" get over your addiction book: I was pleasantly surprised to find myself noting some patterns in the day to day as simplified in the book, and now I'm a much better person for it, and am receiving a "Best Person Ever" award from Obama in 2 weeks.

Con: Either my attention span is garbage (yes) or at some point the book lost the plot and diverted into less practical, applicable concepts. I am yet to finish it and probably won't, but the first 3/4 of it was a revelation. Go read. 

3.  "Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap...and Others Don't" 

Jim Collins

Tools and Toys

This is a business-based book that allegedly has insights that are applicable on a personal level, recommended to me by a person I'm 30% sure roleplays Marty Khan every Tuesday and Thursday, and that's ok.

So far, I am two chapters deep and while the first one was a tad too...businessy for me (shut up) Chapter 2 is shaping up fairly well so far. I shall soldier on, as should you.

4. "The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom"

Miguel Ruiz

Rising Above

Recommended by a spiritual enlightenment new-agey 2015 hippie, this book is HIGHLY suspect. 

I managed to crack open the first couple of pages and found some vague introduction about an ancient group of wisemen spiritualist types? 

Once Upon A Time ABC wikia

One day, when there's a power blackout and I have enough wine, I will read this book in its entirety. One day.

5. "The 33 Strategies of War" 

Robert Greene

I should be worried that people keep recommending all these psychopath-adjacent books, right? Like, there has to be something being hinted at? Y'all ain't sh*t, btw.

Goodreads

From the author of "The 48 Laws of Power" comes this book that I'll eventually read and figure out how to survive World War 3/The Nuclear Apocalypse and punish you ALL when I'm the Global Anarchy Empress.

Like this, but with more pink. GOT Wikia

For sketchy recommendations that promise to make you better, this has been Evey G back from hiatus. Peeeeeeace!

Stuff and things are happening! February was a most excellent month for new releases, and if you missed them, I gotchu. If you read the January version (and if you didn't, why not? Why would you hurt me like this?) then you already know what's going on. Let's get right into it.

1. "Suckers" by Z. Rider

zriderwriter

I'm generally not one for horror, but this book, yo. You should most definitely read an excerpt of chapter one HERE, but first, find a Frankensteined synopsis from the actual below:

WHEN WORN-OUT MUSICIAN DAN FERRY decides to take a shortcut back to the band's hotel, he picks the wrong dark alley to go down...

Now, terrified of what will happen if he doesn't get his fix--and terrified of what he'll do to get it--he turns to his best friend and bandmate, Ray Ford, for help. But what the two don't know as they try to keep Dan's situation quiet is that the parasite driving Dan's addiction to human blood has the potential to wipe out humankind. 

Why yes, I would sell my soul for a copy, why do you ask? #Epic

2.  "Trigger Warning" by Neil Gaiman (Short Stories)

Goodreads

Ok, yes, selected mainly on the strength of Gaiman's rock star name, WHATEVER only my personal deity, Chantal Biya, can judge me. Full synopsis available here, but the most relevant part:

Trigger Warning explores the masks we all wear and the people we are beneath them to reveal our vulnerabilities and our truest selves. Here is a rich cornucopia of horror and ghosts stories, science fiction and fairy tales, fabulism and poetry that explore the realm of experience and emotion.

3. "The Mauraders: A Novel" by Tom Cooper

Goodreads

No synopsis summary I sketch together can possibly do this any justice. Find a snippet from the official summary (available here) below:

When the BP oil spill devastates the Gulf coast, those who made a living by shrimping find themselves in dire straits. For the oddballs and lowlifes who inhabit the sleepy, working class bayou town of Jeannette,  these desperate circumstances serve as the catalyst that pushes them to enact whatever risky schemes they can dream up to reverse their fortunes. At the center of it all is Gus Lindquist, a pill-addicted, one armed treasure hunter obsessed with finding the lost treasure of pirate Jean Lafitte.

4. "Second Life" by S.J. Watson

Goodreads

I kid you not, the actual description:

She loves her husband. She's obsessed by a stranger.

She's a devoted mother. She's prepared to lose everything.

She knows what she's doing. She's out of control.

She's innocent. She's guilty as sin.

She's living two lives. She might lose both . . .

 I mean, right? When a book is playing hard to get from the start, you kinda have to. Your friendly neighbourhood Procrastinator has had a peek at the synopsis and it has a nice dark undercurrent about addiction, murder, mystery and salt and pepper to taste. Y'all. We're reading this.

Speaking of books that have been read, Feb was a strange, strange month of random reads. 

The Forever Watch - David Ramirez

We Are All Completely Fine - Daryl Gregory

Meditations - Marcus Aurelius

The Girl on The Train - Paula Hawkins

If you're on Insta, Goodreads, or just really good at keeping up with Le Shawarma (yay you!), you've seen these books mentioned. Since I've been pretty good about doing reviews this month (I accept "Congratulations" wine on Tuesdays), you can expect to see most of these up in the course of March. You now have a reason to keep living.

Dass it for Feb in Books, I have been your host, Evey G. Stay awesome, folks!

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It is decently past midnight and I have "Stalker" open in the next tab, let's get right to it.

1. Reading

"The Forever Watch" by David Ramirez. This book. After acres of blackmailing, wheedling and cat kidnapping, I finally got my hands on this book and started it with stars in my eyes. About 200 pages in and.... Well. Maybe, much like pretty much everything Kanye has done lately, I am simply not sophissicaided enough to grasp it. Idk, guys, idk. Further verdict to be passed upon completion.

The Book Plank

2. Attempting

To tweeze my own eyebrows. The guy that usually does them (Hi, Wesh) is excellent at it, but he's also perfectionist and I happen to be feeling the "woolly caterpillar" look at the moment.

Armed with every YouTube tutorial I could find, what could go wrong?

Hey  boo, hey.

3. Watching

The Amazing World of Gumball, season 3. Because every children's cartoon deserves a scene where the cat protagonist wants to sell his nipples (to afford movie tickets) and his goldfish bestfriend asks him why he would want to give up the ability to make cheese. 

Because that's exactly how mammals work. gifsoup

If you don't already, you seriously, SERIOUSLY need to start watching this show. Now, my paused episode of "Stalker" awaits, I must leave you. Hugs, kisses and great weekend wishes, folks. 

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Original Image: Goodreads

No day in my life has ever been as blessed as the one in which I received Daryl Gregory's "Afterparty". None. You guys, not even the birth of my son (sorry Aximili AgeofUltron Winchester).

Totally real children who are real aside, let's get to it, shall we? ***no spoilers***

Synopsis

Now. I have to advise that you skip reading this and just get straight to the book. It's an infinitely more enjoyable experience if you go in blind and try to figure out what's happening as you proceed, which is what I did. 

As such, and because dictatorship is the best, the synopsis is now at the end of the review. L'chaim!

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WHAT YOU'LL LIKE

The Premise: For obvious, spoiler reasons, this cannot be properly expounded on, but, BUT suffice it to say, you will be impressed. Whatever Gregory is on, we want some. In ointment form, because sometimes we have trouble swallowing pills. 

The Setting: The book is set in the near future, which is usually kind of hard to pull off. Gregory crafts an "anything is possible" future which is very much grounded in today's reality; a good balance between so far into the future that we can't relate and too close to today to capture the imagination. The gadgets do the most here by really seeming like something we'll see in the next five or ten years - accessible, but still SCIENCY.

The Realism. Yes, realism. The book does nothing to sugar coat consequences for actions or gloss over/glorify things that are realities, BUT without being grim. The protagonist actually goes to prison for her crimes, you guys. The drug-induced mental issues that seem kinda cool to have and easy to glorify are also looked at through the lens of those affected around the sufferer, keeping it in perspective. Again, none of this feels heavy handed or depressing, just, real.

The Flawed Characters: Again, it is shamefully easy to veer off into "my flaws make me a cool renegade, aspire to me" territory, but man, does Gregory keep it together. The characters' flaws are well expressed as integral parts of them, organically growing out of their (excellent. seriously, excellent) backstories and not being neatly tied up in a Suddenly Healthy bow at the end. Relatable, real, and about to drag you on the adventure you'll be pretending was your life story on dates for years to come.

Mashable

WHAT YOU WON'T LIKE

Mini buffalo herd. You'll know it when you see it. 

Once you're through with this one, if you want a follow up Daryl Gregory book (and you will) I recommend "We Are All Completely Fine" to ease your withdrawals.

For Monday Like A Sir, this has been Evey G. Fair thee well. 

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The Promised Synopsis

If you chose to read the synopsis anyway, you little rebel you, the book begins with a teen runaway introduced to a new smart drug named "Numinous". When the effects - basically experiencing your own personal God- wear off, the emptiness overwhelms her and she kills herself inside the mental institution where she was being held. Another resident of the centre, scientist Lyda Rose, quickly figures out that the teen was on said drug- one that Lyda helped to create and fell victim to. Now, she must work to track down her co-creators and right past wrongs...

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So. Since my overly dramatic co-author here decided to go with the most inflammatory title headline humanly possible, allow me to clarify:

No one, NO ONE is selling any bodily organs for any reason under the sun.

This was said for dramatic effect by someone whose organs you don't want anyway since her diet is 90% Redbull and popcorn. This is only barely a joke.

Please stop emailing us with offers.

The comments alluding to such (and offering advice on how, dafuq internet?) have been deleted and future comments will be similarly dealt with.

Evey will be taken to Theatrics Rehab for this particular adventure.

Yeah. Stop.

-Haji

10/05/2015 Update: Still? STOP EMAILING US. Title now changed.

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Ah, dear reader, the draft folder overfloweth. There's just too much awesome, you guys. And also a kidney for sale. Hark!

1. Reading

ALL THE THINGS. The literature fairies finally saw it fit to send down a copy of "We Are All Completely Fine" by Daryl Gregory. You'll remember him from Le January Reading Wrap Up.
Sadly, this is a novella, totaling only 200 pages on my e-reader, sadface emoji to the power of infinity.

Amazon

Since the best way to move on from any painful breakup is to immediately marry the next guy that smiles at you on the street, I dug into my "Want To Read" list on Goodreads and got "The Girl on The Train". We're expecting twins in July.

2. Watching

Gintama. After all the hype around it, you figure "Why not", then you watch the first three episodes and 5 years have passed since anyone last saw you outside. What I'm saying is, so far, YAAAAAASS.

wallpapervortex

2(b) Also watching Archer season six. Cheryl is our new deity now, spread the word.


3. Entry formerly known as "Selling My Kidney for" (edited by Haji)

A 4 day weekend indoors playing "The Last of Us". Listen. The last game I played (that wasn't on a brain training app) was probably Duck Hunt, real talk. But. BUT. "The Last of Us'. You guys.

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The storyline. The feels. The graphics. The terror. The feels. The never sleeping again. THE FEELS.
Reminders shall be sent to your email address just before my birthday & Christmas; the 'Thank You" cards will just be a long video of me screaming, 'cause THE INFECTED.

funnyjunk

Thaaaat's all folks! For traumatic games and priceless dating advice, I'm Evey G. Namaste, bitches.

Original Image: Noe Araujo

So, guys, that Lovecraft dude, huh? In our never ending quest to become more terrible, pretentious people, one thing cannot be left behind: learning to enjoy the classics. Also Sam Winchester loves him therefore by default so do we all.

Goodreads

Today's lesson of Sirliness features a 'novella' that would actually be a pretty good introduction to Grand Master H.P.'s work: The case of Charles Dexter Ward.

Synopsis
The book features the entitled young Charles Dexter Ward who finds out about a shifty-azz ancestor on his Mum's side rumoured to have dabbled in the dark arts. Said to have been carrying out mysterious experiments in the arcane, the never ageing ancestor, Joseph Curwen had been swiftly booted out of the family history with his descendants (and the rest of the town) going to great lengths to destroy any lingering records of his life. Charles sets out to find out more about his strange ancestor but ends up opening a door he's not so sure he'll be able to close... *lightning flashes* *thunder claps* *your cat leaves the room, terrified*

Ranker

You can read or download the book legally and absolutely free from HERE.

WHAT YOU'LL LIKE
The Pacing. Lovecraft is THE ultimate Khal of knowing just when to drop a truth bomb on you when you were getting complacent with the story and thinking you're slick.
Key plot points are well spaced out so you never feel at any moment that you're marching on the spot waiting for the next "Girl, whaaaaaat" moment.

The Foreshadowing. Key information about the future of the story is slipped in throughout the book in the most natural and inconspicuous way possible.  You pretty much won't notice that there are hint Easter eggs all over until about half way through, at which point you'll want to start the book again, pay rapt attention to every detail going forward AND question your intelligence. Everything you want in a man!

The Head-scratchers. Once you establish that the trail of breadcrumbs has been laid, the next step is to trying to figure them out, because you're a real G. This will be both fun and frustrating, but the pay off will be amazing. Just, you guys.

The Writing. Lovecraft is always lovely for his straightforward, unpretentious work and this is no different. The writing will flow and be easy to follow, in spite of the fact that the book is set in 1918 and written in 1927. 10/10 would recommend.

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WHAT YOU WON'T LIKE
Slow start. "The Call of Cthulhu" had the same problem; Lovecraft tends to take his sweet time in setting up and kicking off the story. It's easy to keep putting off continuing to read if you don't know that there's good things coming, but now you do, so hang in there.

Ye Olde English Parts. Some parts of the book require 'transcription' of very old letters written in the English of the time. This can be irritating to read, but you can skip them since the information is repeated throughout the course of the book anyway.

Gurl, bye

Righto, no spoilers have been given because G.R.R. Martin and I both want you to read the novella for yourself OR TYRION DIES. Don't try us. For Monday-ish Like A Sir, 'tis I, Evey G. Deuces!

And sweet dreams. ign