*waves enthusiastically* Hi guys. I think we're at that point in our relationship where we can just get into things without discussing them before hand, which is also the best way to run your used toothbrush shop. Let's get to it, shall we?

1. Reading

All the things. My e-reader is an actual disaster zone soon to be liberated by Katniss after she gets her break up haircut game together. Yup. Peeta is eaten by a flock of wild geese before they can get married. Spoiler alert.
I just finished Daryl Gregory's "Pandemonium", while being at varying stages of working my way through Murakami's "Hard-boiled Wonderland & the End of the World", "The Reapers Are Angels" by Alden Bell, and "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Philip K. Dick.
Also dabbling in "Cats Cradle" and "Slaughter House Five" by Kurt Vonnegut (finished his "2BR02B" and it was amaze) and of course, "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
You would not be wrong in accusing me of having the attention span of your average meth-addicted squirrel. I'm seeing a professional, okay? Just...just give me time, we can work through this..together.

Me, right now. My jaw froze that way. Nathan Biberdorf / Wordpress

2. Watching

Star vs The Forces of Evil! This show, you guys!! With a protagonist named "Star Butterfly", you come in not expecting much, which is about when your legs are swept out from under you. With a powerful, self sufficient, unapologetically bad ass and girly female lead, and an ethnically diverse supporting cast, funny blends well with emotional and also complete fanciful inter-dimensional nonsense. Did I mention this is a cartoon? Animation on fleek, people. Get to watching.


3. Feeling

The ice cold grip of my old friend, insomnia. Oh well, more time to watch "Daily Lives of High School Boys", write Supernatural fanfic featuring Dr. House and proclaim my undying love for Soren Bowie across all social media channels available. Y'know, healthy, normal adult stuff.
'til we meet again, my doves. Xo Xo, Gossi-...wait, no. 

Everyone likes book reviews. They're a quick and easy way to tell if you should read a book you're on the fence about, and sometimes they have instructions on opening portals to alternate dimensions where you always look best in group photos. There are those among us that are talented at condensing key plot points or stylistic devices, in a way that immerses you into the world of the book, while leaving enough suspense to make you want to go read it yourself. We call them "Excellent Reviewers" or "People That Need to Stop Being Amazing". Then there's the other camp that lays out every plot twist in the most flat and unappetizing way possible. These are the worst and we will not speak of them for they desecrate the work of the mortal gods that write.

Individual Credits Below.

In spite of my own personal deficiencies in review prowess, and knowing how difficult it is to introduce a reader to a book you love, there are those that are just too good to let go of without shouting from the rooftops, hence the review attempts scattered all over here.
There are, however, books that this reporter has loved, but recognizes that no amount of masterful summarizing can ever do justice. *"Guardians of the Galaxy" theme song plays* The following are those books:

 1. "The Girl With All The Gifts" by M.R. Carey

This book is beyond incredible. Post-apocalyptic worlds and a plot that slowly sucks you in...before jumping out from behind a corner and smacking you across the face with a crowbar. It's a journey, this: a beautifully written journey that will very much creep you out. There is no way to review this while preserving the suspense, so I'll let Goodreads do the introduction, here.

2. "The Hitchiker's Guide to The Galaxy" by Douglas Adams

This is a Monty Python sketch you can read. Impossibly funny, chock full of twists and shamelessly English, the only plausible summary of this book is "What...the fuck. What the fuck?" followed by uproarious laughter. Stop reviewing this book (and others in the series, probably), but definitely keep quoting it. #DontPanic Find a proper description here.


3. "Suckers" by Z. Rider

Yup, this is on a list of books no review could ever do right by about 3 seconds after a review by yours truly went up; hypocrisy is real and also let me live. Thing is, though, there are two other versions of this review lurking somewhere in my drafts folders. It was that hard putting into words exactly what I enjoyed about this book, because there was SO much, a lot of which I still don't understand how to explain to date. A review had to be done, however, because as we agreed above, some books are too good to not talk about. So here we are. A proper description is here.


4. "A Scanner Darkly" by Philip K. Dick

Speculative fiction, I'm alright with, but out and out science fiction often goes completely over my head. That's why this book caught me so completely by surprise. Truth be told, there were large swathes of it that I straight up skipped- like the parts in German, what was that about? The works of Philip K. Dick generally leave me feeling like I just ate tinsel during a rave, but this. THIS. You guys. Just... 
Description here. 


5. "The Ocean At The End of The Lane" by Neil Gaiman

Have I mentioned that Neil Gaiman is a genius? If I haven't allow me to do so now. This book had made its debut on one of our shawarmy adventures here and its shine is yet to wear off. An official synopsis can be found here, but the story starts...with....

*remembers plot*
*bursts into fresh tears*
*is unable to complete entry*
*skips ahead to the next point*


6. "The Rook" by Daniel O'Malley (The Checquy Files #1)

By far the best thing about this book is the flawless world building. I stand before you a sworn avoider of book series (that are not Animorphs or Goosebumps) that actively wants to read the rest of the books that come after this one. O'Malley knows how to set a stage like no one else.
Find a summary of the book here, but go into it knowing the Mary Sue is strong in this one, the protagonist is not super likeable and some of the dialogue is...lol. You should still read it, though, because there is a character named Gestalt who is everything. 

Goodreads

Right, there you have it. For reviews that aren't reviews and a possible plea for a revolution to make book summaries consist solely of "YOU SHOULD READ THIS" with an appropriate number of exclamation marks, this has been Evey G. Namaste, beloveds.