Ohayo, reader-sama! For those of you wondering who would be doing a summary of the month in the second week of the next month, you have clearly not been here before and should applaud me for getting this done before August. #Slay

Beyonce Formation GIF

January basically went by in a messy blur and while I can barely account for what I got up to, I can say this: I finally got a new laptop! It took about a month of figuring out specs. going to the sole official Toshiba dealership in Nairobi, and running around to different resellers basically every Saturday of the month. That said, I have now been dragged into the 21st century (kicking, screaming and refusing to sell my old laptop for parts). We rocking, y'all.

On Goals

My 2016 goals, as listed here, have been a mixed bag. For the most part, I just straight forgot that I was supposed to be doing a lot of that stuff because I am only legally an adult and you should not let me take care of your pets. There's this app I had towards the end of last year, The Fabulous, and one of the things they were always harping about was keeping your goals in sight so everything you do is geared towards/done with the intention of achieving stuff. So, here's to reminding myself of this stuff on a day to day, with the help of another app called Rewire. Next month, we get started on dealing with my addiction to apps. Speaking of which...

Nike+ Training Club

There is nothing I can say to convince you to go download an app that has specialized work outs to cater to your individual goals, so suffice it to say I'm pleasantly surprised and a fan. See more about ze app here. I'm all about this, you guys. I have used it more than once! Getchu some, and we shall walk through the gates of Physical Fitness Valhalla together, as CHAMPIONS.


There's actually a ton more things that need to be said, but alas, my bedtime approaches and I have had nary a fistful of bacon and caramel popcorn for supper; I must exeunt stage left. The point of this was to let y'all know that technical issues sorted out, we are back to regular programming starting with a book review for your favourite segment, Monday like a sir.


Until then, my cinnamon challenge aficionados. Stay grateful for the reduction in evil penguin attacks across Nairobi (THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE) and for Feb, prepare to get schwiftyyyyy.
It is 02:00am on Saturday morning, of the week I decided to be getting to bed by 10:00pm, so here we are. A general update/shameless rambling thingie will be up tomorrow...well, today, therefore let us get crackalacking.

Reading

Presently, "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. You guyyyyys. The first quarter has been spectacular but as we approach the halfway mark, the book is kind of losing me a little. This is likely because of the zombie fugue of exhaustion yours truly has existed in this entire week, and I fully intend to stay with the book to the bitter end.


Also recent reads: "Yes, Please" by AMy Poehler and "Rosemary's Baby" by Ira Levin, which you would know if you followed me on Twitter, you butt. These both deserve a full review, and I am now obligated to watch "Rosemary's Baby" under maritime law. We're doing this.

Watching 

The trailer for this horrifying upcoming movie, "You Before Me", based on an equally horrifying book that I just discovered. Can I just say, you lot are horrifying masochists.



Listen, I can categorically state that I will never, in this particular lifetime, WATCH THIS MOVIE OR READ THIS BOOK. I'm going to need someone who will to explain the appeal to me. Seriously. If you read Khaleed Hosseini books as well, I would genuinely like to understand why you would volunteer to have your feelings jerked around like that. Email me.

Listening to 

Throwback playlists from 2012/2013/2014. What ever did happen to Gotye, you guys? It's crazy how music can take you back to an exact moment years ago when you first heard it, then you compare your life then to your life now and think...I'm not doing too terribly. Like, my parents can be a little less ashamed of me now. It's a good feeling, people.


With that, we bring this session of almost timely Friday wrap-ups. Here's to finally getting to bed almost four hours later than intended. Sending you all love and light, my bananas. Until next time!
Sooooo, first regular post of 2016, habibis! Let's get right into it.

excitement

Sidebar: Listening to the Billboard Top 100 of 2nd January which is about 90% Justin Beiber and I'm mad about how much I like his new album. Anyway, I'm just now realizing I have yet to listen to Adele's "Hello" from beginning to end. Since last year, you guys. How is this possible. End sidebar.

Reading

All the things, as usual, but especially V.E. Schwab's "Vicious". Someone recommended this to me mid last year, though the synopsis put me off at the time. Like most of my life choices, the decision to finally pick this up was completely based on online hype. Booktube can pretty much talk you into anything, you guys. Be careful out there. Be safe.

safety gif
We care. romper

The book is going by pretty quickly and while I'm unlikely to do a proper review, this shall not be the last you hear of it. *thunder* *lightening bolts rip through your roof*

"Vicious" by V.E. Schwab

Also, met the 2015 Goodreads challenge, so 2016, here we go. To do a summary? Possibly. Stay tuned. 

Watching

The answer to this is also "Everything". Series are slowly coming back from December break, during which we were all starved of Matt Bomer's cheekbones (for dayzzz) and of course, STEVEN UNIVERSE.

steven universe gif

This show. You guys. There are no words that can do Steven Universe, but that has never stopped me before, so await a post! Honourable mention: "Fresh Off The Boat" which was binged on over the holidays since there was nothing else to watch. Get on ittttt.

Excited About

Shiny new hardware! As has been mentioned severally here and on the Twitters, my trusty laptop is crazy old. My Twitter also functions as a drafts folder for all the inspirational and heartwarming things I intend to share along the way.
I wisely decided to take my laptop with me on vacation in one of the coldest places in the country where it promptly decided not to even turn on. You guys. Back in the warmer climes of home, it starts up after a few false...starts but even a die-hard packrat  like me can accept that is time.

Therefore, ladies, gents, and ninja turtles, tomorrow I scour the shops for another Toshiba to be ride or die for until 2026. Fingers crossed for a new machine tomorrow (!!) but at the absolute worst, by end month.

Alrighty then, for rambling long stories that began as summaries, this has been Evey G. Live your best lives, monkeys. 'til next time.
Bon apres midi, y'all. It is 5 days past New Years and while you were all running around improving your lives and what not with resolutions, I was doing absolutely nothing of the sort until about 5 minutes ago.

What follows is therefore not a set of resolutions, but goals which I will achieve without necessarily setting a timeline to them. #Flawless
(NB: If this is the definition of a resolution, send me a notarized letter stating this so I can take this post down & come to your house to show you personally. Thank you.)

Resolutions

These are being listed here specifically to keep myself accountable for actually completing them. 'cause nobody ever lies on the internet. Let's get to it, then, shall we?

1. Actually finish my HTML5/CSS courses

My intermittent attempts to learn coding have generally been subject to inspiration from hacker movies and wandering on to the Skillcrush blog page, which is amazing. Scheduling my Codecademy modules has so far not been super successful either, but, BUT this year, I'm going to do one hour a week. This way, I'll be done by the time I'm 70 and I can ask our Lizard Overlords for permission to go online and update this post to read "Done".


2. Pick up on my contributing authoring

This one can actually be summed up as "Stop being a trash person".

3. Do a creative writing thingie

I'm not 100% clear on how to achieve this but basically, post my random writing online, platform to be decided. Maybe Wattpad?
Presently, all my writing stuff is concentrated on Jotterpad, the phone app. Fun fact- this is where I wrote my alternate ending/shameless fanfiction of Z. Rider's "Suckers".
What has two thumbs, a questionable sleep schedule and has had an incredible author read their fanfiction?

Liz Lemon This Moi
This moi! williesun

Have I talked about how super nice Z.Rider is on Twitter and email already? (Yes I have). In case I haven't (Yes, I have), allow me to do so now. Go follow her here and read her amazing books. Thaaaank youuu.

4. Actually wear my retainers

I'm writing this on the off chance that my orthodontist does really specific google searches for niche nonsense blogs. Hi, Doc!

5. Pick up on my graphic design stuff

I love how that sounded like I actually have a graphic design background or signed up for a class. None of that is true, FOR NOW.
A person with such a startlingly short attention span needs multiple creative outlets, you guys.
We can do this. We can crush it.


6. Stop neglecting my Coursera account

This is a twofer, filed under "Being a trash person" and "needing to keep my flighty mind occupied".
I find when I have nothing to stress about/challenge me, my mind goes to terrifying directions and I tend to fixate on things that push me back a few steps in my quest to become the ultimate tentacled hipster monster. Unfortunate. I intend, therefore, to direct my obsessive focus on more positive things this year.

Nicole Richie Positive Person gif
Indeed. giphy

7. Stay Inspired

Read, watch, listen to or otherwise telepathically beam great things directly into my brain. You know the books you read that leave you awed and kind of upset that you weren't the one to write them?
Those do a great job of getting me all fired up to write for at least a good week afterwards. Memoirs like Felicia Day's or Sophia Amoruso's, books geared towards giving you a deeper understanding of the world and yourself (hi, Johann Hari and Marshall Goldsmith), I'm about them all. Allllll.
Same goes for your basic motivational videos on YouTube, incredible TED talks like this one by Dame Stephanie Shirley and of course, booktubers out here killing it.
Basically, my goal is to do something once a week to keep my batteries charge and never succumb to boredom or apathy. *national anthem plays in the background*

Alright then. This was the last such random post that had nothing to do with nothing. Regularly scheduled programming shall resume on Friday with *excited gasp* a Weekly Shawarma!
For the opposite of resolutions and actually getting things done like a grown-ass, grown ass person, 'tis I, Lunar Queen Evey. Mwah!
The title, much like the concept of rational thought, has nothing to do with this post. Buenos noches, my spambots and Eastern European otakus, you have all been missed.

#Goals

The first post of 2016 is pretty much a "Hello from the other side" kind of thing (#BadumTss #TimelyReference) without much meat or substance. I am simply here to share the fact that we are back, promise posts you will never actually see and start a support group for those of us eagerly waiting on the next season of Tokyo Ghoul.


You guys. We need hugs.
For nonsense, taller nonsense and nonsense in Russian, 'tis I, Evey G. Happy 2016!


*waves enthusiastically* Hi guys. I think we're at that point in our relationship where we can just get into things without discussing them before hand, which is also the best way to run your used toothbrush shop. Let's get to it, shall we?

1. Reading

All the things. My e-reader is an actual disaster zone soon to be liberated by Katniss after she gets her break up haircut game together. Yup. Peeta is eaten by a flock of wild geese before they can get married. Spoiler alert.
I just finished Daryl Gregory's "Pandemonium", while being at varying stages of working my way through Murakami's "Hard-boiled Wonderland & the End of the World", "The Reapers Are Angels" by Alden Bell, and "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Philip K. Dick.
Also dabbling in "Cats Cradle" and "Slaughter House Five" by Kurt Vonnegut (finished his "2BR02B" and it was amaze) and of course, "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
You would not be wrong in accusing me of having the attention span of your average meth-addicted squirrel. I'm seeing a professional, okay? Just...just give me time, we can work through this..together.

Me, right now. My jaw froze that way. Nathan Biberdorf / Wordpress

2. Watching

Star vs The Forces of Evil! This show, you guys!! With a protagonist named "Star Butterfly", you come in not expecting much, which is about when your legs are swept out from under you. With a powerful, self sufficient, unapologetically bad ass and girly female lead, and an ethnically diverse supporting cast, funny blends well with emotional and also complete fanciful inter-dimensional nonsense. Did I mention this is a cartoon? Animation on fleek, people. Get to watching.


3. Feeling

The ice cold grip of my old friend, insomnia. Oh well, more time to watch "Daily Lives of High School Boys", write Supernatural fanfic featuring Dr. House and proclaim my undying love for Soren Bowie across all social media channels available. Y'know, healthy, normal adult stuff.
'til we meet again, my doves. Xo Xo, Gossi-...wait, no. 

Everyone likes book reviews. They're a quick and easy way to tell if you should read a book you're on the fence about, and sometimes they have instructions on opening portals to alternate dimensions where you always look best in group photos. There are those among us that are talented at condensing key plot points or stylistic devices, in a way that immerses you into the world of the book, while leaving enough suspense to make you want to go read it yourself. We call them "Excellent Reviewers" or "People That Need to Stop Being Amazing". Then there's the other camp that lays out every plot twist in the most flat and unappetizing way possible. These are the worst and we will not speak of them for they desecrate the work of the mortal gods that write.

Individual Credits Below.

In spite of my own personal deficiencies in review prowess, and knowing how difficult it is to introduce a reader to a book you love, there are those that are just too good to let go of without shouting from the rooftops, hence the review attempts scattered all over here.
There are, however, books that this reporter has loved, but recognizes that no amount of masterful summarizing can ever do justice. *"Guardians of the Galaxy" theme song plays* The following are those books:

 1. "The Girl With All The Gifts" by M.R. Carey

This book is beyond incredible. Post-apocalyptic worlds and a plot that slowly sucks you in...before jumping out from behind a corner and smacking you across the face with a crowbar. It's a journey, this: a beautifully written journey that will very much creep you out. There is no way to review this while preserving the suspense, so I'll let Goodreads do the introduction, here.

2. "The Hitchiker's Guide to The Galaxy" by Douglas Adams

This is a Monty Python sketch you can read. Impossibly funny, chock full of twists and shamelessly English, the only plausible summary of this book is "What...the fuck. What the fuck?" followed by uproarious laughter. Stop reviewing this book (and others in the series, probably), but definitely keep quoting it. #DontPanic Find a proper description here.


3. "Suckers" by Z. Rider

Yup, this is on a list of books no review could ever do right by about 3 seconds after a review by yours truly went up; hypocrisy is real and also let me live. Thing is, though, there are two other versions of this review lurking somewhere in my drafts folders. It was that hard putting into words exactly what I enjoyed about this book, because there was SO much, a lot of which I still don't understand how to explain to date. A review had to be done, however, because as we agreed above, some books are too good to not talk about. So here we are. A proper description is here.


4. "A Scanner Darkly" by Philip K. Dick

Speculative fiction, I'm alright with, but out and out science fiction often goes completely over my head. That's why this book caught me so completely by surprise. Truth be told, there were large swathes of it that I straight up skipped- like the parts in German, what was that about? The works of Philip K. Dick generally leave me feeling like I just ate tinsel during a rave, but this. THIS. You guys. Just... 
Description here. 


5. "The Ocean At The End of The Lane" by Neil Gaiman

Have I mentioned that Neil Gaiman is a genius? If I haven't allow me to do so now. This book had made its debut on one of our shawarmy adventures here and its shine is yet to wear off. An official synopsis can be found here, but the story starts...with....

*remembers plot*
*bursts into fresh tears*
*is unable to complete entry*
*skips ahead to the next point*


6. "The Rook" by Daniel O'Malley (The Checquy Files #1)

By far the best thing about this book is the flawless world building. I stand before you a sworn avoider of book series (that are not Animorphs or Goosebumps) that actively wants to read the rest of the books that come after this one. O'Malley knows how to set a stage like no one else.
Find a summary of the book here, but go into it knowing the Mary Sue is strong in this one, the protagonist is not super likeable and some of the dialogue is...lol. You should still read it, though, because there is a character named Gestalt who is everything. 

Goodreads

Right, there you have it. For reviews that aren't reviews and a possible plea for a revolution to make book summaries consist solely of "YOU SHOULD READ THIS" with an appropriate number of exclamation marks, this has been Evey G. Namaste, beloveds.