*waves enthusiastically* Hi guys. I think we're at that point in our relationship where we can just get into things without discussing them before hand, which is also the best way to run your used toothbrush shop. Let's get to it, shall we?

1. Reading

All the things. My e-reader is an actual disaster zone soon to be liberated by Katniss after she gets her break up haircut game together. Yup. Peeta is eaten by a flock of wild geese before they can get married. Spoiler alert.
I just finished Daryl Gregory's "Pandemonium", while being at varying stages of working my way through Murakami's "Hard-boiled Wonderland & the End of the World", "The Reapers Are Angels" by Alden Bell, and "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Philip K. Dick.
Also dabbling in "Cats Cradle" and "Slaughter House Five" by Kurt Vonnegut (finished his "2BR02B" and it was amaze) and of course, "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
You would not be wrong in accusing me of having the attention span of your average meth-addicted squirrel. I'm seeing a professional, okay? Just...just give me time, we can work through this..together.

Me, right now. My jaw froze that way. Nathan Biberdorf / Wordpress

2. Watching

Star vs The Forces of Evil! This show, you guys!! With a protagonist named "Star Butterfly", you come in not expecting much, which is about when your legs are swept out from under you. With a powerful, self sufficient, unapologetically bad ass and girly female lead, and an ethnically diverse supporting cast, funny blends well with emotional and also complete fanciful inter-dimensional nonsense. Did I mention this is a cartoon? Animation on fleek, people. Get to watching.


3. Feeling

The ice cold grip of my old friend, insomnia. Oh well, more time to watch "Daily Lives of High School Boys", write Supernatural fanfic featuring Dr. House and proclaim my undying love for Soren Bowie across all social media channels available. Y'know, healthy, normal adult stuff.
'til we meet again, my doves. Xo Xo, Gossi-...wait, no. 

Everyone likes book reviews. They're a quick and easy way to tell if you should read a book you're on the fence about, and sometimes they have instructions on opening portals to alternate dimensions where you always look best in group photos. There are those among us that are talented at condensing key plot points or stylistic devices, in a way that immerses you into the world of the book, while leaving enough suspense to make you want to go read it yourself. We call them "Excellent Reviewers" or "People That Need to Stop Being Amazing". Then there's the other camp that lays out every plot twist in the most flat and unappetizing way possible. These are the worst and we will not speak of them for they desecrate the work of the mortal gods that write.

Individual Credits Below.

In spite of my own personal deficiencies in review prowess, and knowing how difficult it is to introduce a reader to a book you love, there are those that are just too good to let go of without shouting from the rooftops, hence the review attempts scattered all over here.
There are, however, books that this reporter has loved, but recognizes that no amount of masterful summarizing can ever do justice. *"Guardians of the Galaxy" theme song plays* The following are those books:

 1. "The Girl With All The Gifts" by M.R. Carey

This book is beyond incredible. Post-apocalyptic worlds and a plot that slowly sucks you in...before jumping out from behind a corner and smacking you across the face with a crowbar. It's a journey, this: a beautifully written journey that will very much creep you out. There is no way to review this while preserving the suspense, so I'll let Goodreads do the introduction, here.

2. "The Hitchiker's Guide to The Galaxy" by Douglas Adams

This is a Monty Python sketch you can read. Impossibly funny, chock full of twists and shamelessly English, the only plausible summary of this book is "What...the fuck. What the fuck?" followed by uproarious laughter. Stop reviewing this book (and others in the series, probably), but definitely keep quoting it. #DontPanic Find a proper description here.


3. "Suckers" by Z. Rider

Yup, this is on a list of books no review could ever do right by about 3 seconds after a review by yours truly went up; hypocrisy is real and also let me live. Thing is, though, there are two other versions of this review lurking somewhere in my drafts folders. It was that hard putting into words exactly what I enjoyed about this book, because there was SO much, a lot of which I still don't understand how to explain to date. A review had to be done, however, because as we agreed above, some books are too good to not talk about. So here we are. A proper description is here.


4. "A Scanner Darkly" by Philip K. Dick

Speculative fiction, I'm alright with, but out and out science fiction often goes completely over my head. That's why this book caught me so completely by surprise. Truth be told, there were large swathes of it that I straight up skipped- like the parts in German, what was that about? The works of Philip K. Dick generally leave me feeling like I just ate tinsel during a rave, but this. THIS. You guys. Just... 
Description here. 


5. "The Ocean At The End of The Lane" by Neil Gaiman

Have I mentioned that Neil Gaiman is a genius? If I haven't allow me to do so now. This book had made its debut on one of our shawarmy adventures here and its shine is yet to wear off. An official synopsis can be found here, but the story starts...with....

*remembers plot*
*bursts into fresh tears*
*is unable to complete entry*
*skips ahead to the next point*


6. "The Rook" by Daniel O'Malley (The Checquy Files #1)

By far the best thing about this book is the flawless world building. I stand before you a sworn avoider of book series (that are not Animorphs or Goosebumps) that actively wants to read the rest of the books that come after this one. O'Malley knows how to set a stage like no one else.
Find a summary of the book here, but go into it knowing the Mary Sue is strong in this one, the protagonist is not super likeable and some of the dialogue is...lol. You should still read it, though, because there is a character named Gestalt who is everything. 

Goodreads

Right, there you have it. For reviews that aren't reviews and a possible plea for a revolution to make book summaries consist solely of "YOU SHOULD READ THIS" with an appropriate number of exclamation marks, this has been Evey G. Namaste, beloveds.



Insert frantic waving here. Hello dudes, dudettes and the possibly empty room I'm presently yelling into. Welcome one and all to another in a long line of misleadingly titled WEEKLY SHAWARMA! Since I'm a safe distance away from you, dear reader, you'll simply have to imagine the shower of balloons and indoor fireworks that went with that capslock abuse. Let's get to it.

1. Watching

All the YouTube. All of it. You know the scene in "Her" when Scarlett Joperatingsystem finally leaves to go become part of the internet? That's me, now. I know everything. I also was probably drinking while watching that movie.

There are too many perf channels with so much incredible content (Dr. Horrible shout out!), but your host for the evening is reaaaally getting into OnlyLeigh right now. Behold.



Hashtag flawliss. Go check it out. Literally right now. Your neighbour won't mind.

2. Reading

Holly Madison's memoir, "Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny". Ye can find the synopsis here.


If this seems like a random choice...it was. I'll admit I never really gave Holly much thought, never watched either of her shows when they were on telly, etc, but the book was pleasant. Creepy as hell (there are things we never needed to know about the Playboy mansion), but pleasant. 
Some parts did seem to play up Holly as an IRL Mary Sue, but overall, you kind of see where she was coming from. I dunno, the book was ok.

3. Really Getting Into

Hershey's milk chocolate with almonds bar. Went to Tuskys to get my usual Toblerone white, or failing that, a Milky Bar but they were out of BOTH. The inhumanity. Also, I lied, I was definitely going to buy both types of chocolate.


Anywayyy, disappointed and convinced that happiness was just a cruel illusion, Evey G. decided to get a Hershey's bar instead. Real talk, each time I've bought one, I've intended to take a pic...but completely zoned out and ate them in a trance state before I could. Why yes, I do have a problem, thanks for noticing.

I'm going to go over here and continue being an adult now, please see yourselves out. Until next time, Kisses!



Photo credits below.
Dracula - Horror News

Aloha good people, and what it do. Yours truly decided to undo her long suffering box braids this weekend all by her lonesome: an all night long endeavour that calls for an arsenal of snackables (banana crisps ftw!), a pillow fort and of course, entertainment.
Now, if you're thinking "How better to stay awake all night than in the throes of complete terror, jumping at every random sound", you sir/ma'am/sentient potato, have the right idea. Armed with this train of thought, this reporter proceeded to gather unto herself the following iconic films and got down to it.

1. Dracula (1931)

Vamped

Obvious hipster pick. Some of the scenes intended to be scary-  like Dracula's slow motion exit from his coffin, or shots of the lair, featuring a random possum- are admittedly hilarious from the 2015 perspective, but I am still a fan.

"Bela Lugosi changed the vampire movie genre by single-handedly bringing suave sophistication back to what Nosferatu and ancient lore made a disgusting monster."
-My Sanctimonious Opinion (2015)

The film still has a high, if unintentional creep factor, though: this drags it into the right side of horror movie history in that disjointed Old Hollywood way.
Rating: 4.73 stars out of 5
Bonus: Viewing party for "Nosferatu"? Guys, we can do this.

2. The Voices (2014)

impawards

Where to start. The film is about a kindly factory worker (played by Ryan Reynolds who COMPLETELY knocks it out of the park on this one) who we come to find out is very mentally unwell and what comes of this. The film is actually laugh out loud funny in some parts, which given the subject matter, is straight up heroic on the writer's part.

This movie is incredible for a couple of reasons. First, as a lifelong fan of Criminal Minds, you come to (rightly) view serial killers as vile monsters, driven by forces we can't properly understand. With The Voices we get a behind-the-scenes view of what exactly goes on in the minds of these people responsible for some of the strangest, most disgusting crimes in history. It's not often you're sympathetic of and almost cheering for the serial murderer but this movie takes you there.

There's a scene in which the psychiatrist explains to Jerry that much as he hears voices in his head, so do we. The voice telling you you can't succeed, the voice calling you fat, the voice calling you unworthy of love. We all hear the whispers, maybe not telling us to murder our friends, but they're there all the same: and the best we can do is argue back and prove them wrong.

It's pretty amazing the balance they manage to strike between telling an overall gruesome story, without being dark and depressing. In the back of your mind, you know we're seeing through Jerry's eyes and things are not as they seem- but you WANT to stay in that rosy perspective, not deal with reality. Exactly like Jerry does. Yup. You just found the killer relatable.

A lot of this is because of Ryan Reynolds. This incredibly funny and unreasonably hot actor transforming into a sad, likeable if slightly pathetic protagonist (antagonist?) is a feat that should not be possible. Reynolds is heartbreaking, which could have made for a downer of a film, but his sunny perspective keeps everything upbeat and optimistic.

Rating: 72 stars out of 5
As a cat lady, I do kinda object to Mr. Whiskers being the voice of all the murder urges. Hearing "ridiculous peasant" in a gruff Irish accent, though? Priceless.

3. The Perfect Guy (2015)

impawards

Ok, so this isn't out yet, but, I did watch the trailer (HERE) and I am already among the top 5 stans globally.
The plot seems pretty formulaic for this genre of movies.
Michael Ealy and Michael Ealy's blue eyes start out as the too good to be true rebound guy for the woman that just broke up with Insensitive Morris Chestnut, but things quickly take a left turn and keep going into oblivion.
As someone who loved and was terrorized by Hillary Swank and Jeffrey Dean Morgan's The Resident, movies like this are always a little bit more scary because it's not some supernatural evil: this happens in real life. So, fantastic first date movie.

Rating: Predicted 4.21743 out of 5 stars
Almost enough to get me to the theatre to watch it. Almost.

4. The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

subscene

Joss Whedon. Enough said. But I'll keep talking. The premise is amazing: an old Hollywood mainstay adapted to reflect the modern reality. Dialogue naturally on point, Chris Hemsworth, gratuitous boobies and a tweeeest ending all wrapped in jump scares galore.
This starts out as a generic horror movie but spins into a meta, psychological thriller mindf*ck INSIDE the horror movie and it's beautiful. Get. On. It.

Rating: WhedonCannotBeQuestioned out of 5 stars
Seriously. He's like Beyonce. Don't do it.

5. The Thing (2011)

A Very Strange Place

Alright, so this wasn't necessarily watched during the great Hair All Nighter of 2015, but it was wisely watched at 03:00am on a different insomniac night, so it still counts.
Remakes generally get a lot of flack for blaspheming the source material, but your resident 90s kid has yet to watch the original so *Kanye shrug*.
Plus, given the choice, in most cases I'll go for the remake since they probably have the budget and CGI to take the original concepts to the next level, sooo *second Kanye shrug*
The horror of this movie was not in the alien killer monster thingie, it was in the "anyone you know and trust could be an imposter alien monster thing". This and other body snatcher movies are literally the worst type of horror because it plays on and amplifies your base fear of being completely alone, able to trust only yourself.
Like any storm cloud, however, this has a silver lining: rampant flame-thrower murder! So maybe not so bad?

Rating: 4.3 out of 5 stars
Ramona Flowers is doing great since the break up.


Right, for nocturnal activities of a questionable nature and keeping the lights on all night, this has been Evey G. Sleep tight, folks.
Here we are folks: a review of "Suckers" by the incredible, possible secret goth deity from outer space, Z. Rider (on Twitter here!). This review had initially been put up TWICE but had to be pulled due to technical difficulties so no, you weren't hallucinating that.


Your friendly neighbourhood Sana Solo impersonator has since had time to sit with her thoughts and redo this review to properly honour the book. Let's get into it, yeah? NO SPOILERS.

"Suckers" starts with a musician in a semi-successful band, Dan Ferry, walking back to his hotel with a bandmate and cutting through an alley, which is where everything immediately goes to hell. To quote Goodreads:

Now terrified of what will happen if he doesn't get his fix--and terrified of what he'll do to get it-- he turns to his best friend and bandmate (from the alley!), Ray Ford for help.
But what the two don't know as they try to keep Dan's situation quiet is that the parasite driving Dan's addiction to human blood has the potential to wipe put mankind.

I know, right? Seriously, you guys. *froths at the mouth* Here's everything you need to know about this book:

What You Will LOVE

1. The Concept. This is a fresh take and great new perspective on a genre that is very easy to get wrong. The author manages to take a great story and wrap it around an excellent idea in a way that's enjoyable to read and try to figure out. Speaking of which...

2. The Tweeests. There is no spoiler-free way to comment on this, but suffice it to say, WOW. That, ladies and gents is how you turn a surprise corner without spinning into "unnecessary and also please don't".

3. The Characters. On some level, it feels like these are actually people the author knows in real life. This raises the unfortunate possibility that Rider is actually from the near future where this may be the fate that awaits the human race. O____o
The characters are very human: deeply flawed, kind of awful people, but with important (very few) redeeming graces, just like you and me! Mostly you.

4. Good Scary. The most enjoyable part of this book will be the relatable horror. The way the story is written is deeply immersive: you feel like you could wake up tomorrow and this could be your reality, on either side of the coin. A horror movie with some fantastical beast is a good time, but it's the movies that seem like REAL things that could happen to you that's the most unnerving and insidious. Hats off. Which brings us to...

5. The Realism. Characters grounded in actual human behaviour, no Mary Sue's, no dramatic government rescues: "Suckers" does a lot to show what real, average humans would do in the face of the literal nightmare that their world suddenly becomes. Everything plays out exactly how you would theoretically expect it to in present day Earth. Again, WOW.

What You Won't Like

Obviously, you will grow to stan incredibly hard for this book once you're done. Your one possible complaint might be that the book is a bit slow to start. You'll understand that the author needs to make us live the experience and appreciate it later in the book, and of course the pacing gets much better the deeper you go in, but yeah, the start might bother you a little.

Rating
An obvious 25 out of 10 stars. Read it, you must.

For Monday Like a Sir, this has been Evey G. Mwah, my minions.

IF YOU HAVE READ IT (SPOILERS)

Ok, can we just take a moment to talk about that ending? Where they went with Ray's story had me so bothered, I literally wrote a fanfic alternate ending in which Ray survived. LITERALLY. Maybe he was saved by a new character who is also a blogger that likes anime and looked a lot like yours truly, the world will never know. Months and months later, I'm still horrified, but excited to read the sequel with the terror worm things that are the next wave after this initial one.
Also, real talk? If that was my life, I'd live as best I could until I got infected, then attack a military installation in a blood lust rage so they'd kill me since I'd be too chicken to do it my self, ok?
In summary, Z. Rider (who is actually incredibly nice and funny on email & Twitter) had this all the way right and we are now eternal fans. Spread the gospel!


Buenos freezing coldos, mis amigos! With the change in the weather comes a shift in the cosmic tides that must align for a dose of Weekly Shawarma- leggo!

1. Reading
All the things. Seriously. Early last month I got into an incredible book called "The Girl With All The Gifts", which I cannot wait to talk about up in hurr. The problem with books that get you emotionally invested is the aftermath: when you're entirely too drained to start another book properly so you kind of taper off on the Goodreads Challenge? Yeah.
To counter this, I started on a bunch of shorter novellas, and where better to head to than long beloved classics. From "Breakfast at Tiffany's" to "The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy" (the first book) I haz read alla the things.
Currently, I'm wrapping up on Neil Gaiman's "The Ocean At The End of The Lane" and you guys? You guys. WOW. I just..I need a moment. *weeping heard off stage*


2. Watching
Someone recommended a series called "Scorpion" to me, about this genius hacker and his genius team of geniuses who genius harder than all the other geniuses. ...Geniuii? Whatever. Point is, it is the WORST and I'm loading episode 5 as we speak.
Honurable mention- Cutting It: In The ATL.


3. Living For
Summaries! There are actually so many of the things y'all need to be enjoying, I believe a "Best of" post is in order. The main advantage of being an indoors cat who will viciously slice your face open if you try to drag me into the sun is all the really excellent stuff you discover as far as TV and books are concerned. Yiss. Stay tuned.
For shamelessly delayed posts and absolutely blowing your mind with amazing recommendations, this has been Evey G.

Buenos noches, good people. And yes, that is most assuredly an incorrect spelling. Apologies for the absence all around: we'd give an excuse but we all know it's because your fave keyboard warrior is a vastly irresponsible slacker, so. Let's get to it!

1. Listening To

Speaking of problematic faves, Fist Brown (copyright - Micheal K) may be 7 different, exotic kinds of douchebag, but a dude can make music. Enjoy the track below as you contemplate our mutual hypocrisy.



2. Reading

One of those old books/movies/authors you hear about but have yet to experience personally, I haz decided to read Ray Bradbury and so far, no complaints. In serious lack of current/contemporary books to read at present: have the literary gods abandoned me? :O

pop-verse

Also, seriously considering getting a bunch of audiobooks for next month to jump start my reading again, should attention span and shameful phone battery life hold out. You know how you get a book and you just know you'll never finish it so you're left looking for any strategy possible to get through it? Next option is finding someone to actively read it to me and poke me with a pencil when I drift off. Audition dates & location to be announced.

3. Being Super Dramatic About

This flu because THIS IS ACTUALLY THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN HISTORY. Srsly, guise. 100% have not left the house all weekend in a bid to get back to fighting health. Research on curing the flu shows that the best way to get over it is to inject orange juice directly into my bloodstream for maximum Vitamin C, so I guess I have to buy oranges now? *shrugs*


For the first shawarma in a laughably long time, 'tis Evey G. Mwah, bishhhes.