It is 02:15am right now and I'm wide
awake because shut up, that's not the point. What the point IS is the
movie that just wrapped up on telly: “Disconnect”. Whatever
you're doing right now, stahp: immediately open a new browser window
and LEGALLY get the 2012/2013 movie asaptually, no joke.
Had to have the poster somewhere. moviegos
The TV guide blurb crawl thing noted
the film as being about Jason Bateman (yaaaaaass) and Paula Patton
(ugh) discovering the dark side of technology because yeah right like
we read past 'dark side' & Jason Bateman. The name & lack of
anything else to watch sold it for me immediately, and I opted to
watch because I was hoping to see terrible things happen to
terrible-at-acting (Baggage Claim) Paula Patton by way of being
annoyed they picked her as the female lead.
Her? giphy
You guys. Guys. Jason Bateman stars as
a high flying walking neglectful parent trope lawyer with a wife who
was maybe a bowl of porridge because her contribution to the film
was....y'know what? I have no idea. Lovely actress though, no shade.
He has two kids, one a popular teen daughter and the other a socially
awkard son with no friends who was not played by Micheal Cera, my
fantasy man. Said lonely emo kid is a music composer? He meets this
'girl' on Facebook who was superbly played by Manti Teo's girlfriend,
in her debut film role.
This timely
reference brought to you by ACME industries. stlewis.blogspot
Much like your personal contribution to
preserving the environment, said Jessica girl does not exist. (GO
VOLUNTEER AT KARURA FOREST!!)
'She' is a stunning work of douchebaggy
pranking by the kid who played Young Sam Winchester that bunch of episodes and his bizzaro friend named Fry. As it turns out, Young Sam
Winchester is actually a pretty lonely kid who lives with his father,
That One Guy From The Purge who used to be a cop but retired to spend
more time with Young Sam Winchester after his wife died. He is also a
private investigator of cyber crime. His latest case? A fraud
involving Eric Northman in Average Joe cosplay that does this Viking deity zero hotness justice.
Precisely. popsugar
His character, however, is the amaze. A former marine
married to Paula Patton (ugh) who lost their son somehow, he is now
distant towards his wife because she's Paula Patton and also because
grief. Said lady who is probably very nice in real life while being
an unfortunate actress spends most of her time online selling art and
speaking to people on a grief support chat site about their deceased
child. A little (understandable) emotional adultery from Paula an
online gaming addiction from Northman later, they find out their bank
accounts have been drained and the police can essentially do nothing
for them, hence the hiring of That One Guy From The Purge.
This One Guy From The Purge. dailymotion
A seperate, darker story line stars
Redhead Reporter who gets a line on a teen webcam model, the lovely
French kid whose name I actually Googled & will repetitively use
as it's fun to spell (Max Thieriot)
from “The House at the End of The Lane” and “Bates Motel”.
Sidebar: how sad was his story there? When you find yourself rooting
for the serial murder-kidnapper in the movie, the actor is goooood.
Or, has a babyface that demands you sympathize and cook him soup,
whatever. Sidebar, over. Redhead Reporter gets Max
Thieriot to tell her
about the house where he and other underage video models live in a
kinda heartbreaking expose that gets aired on the local news and
eventually picked up by CNN. Here, the FBI get involved and demand
Max Thieriot's address so they can go rescue
the kids, which she's
advised to do by her
company's lawyer, Patrick Bateman.
Patrick,
by the way, is dealing with the fact that his composer emo son tried
to kill himself after a compromising picture of himself he sent “Jessica” is
shared around the school by Young Sam Winchester, because being a
teenager wasn't hard enough. Said emo teen is hospitalized in a coma
and Young Sam Winchester, feeling guilty goes to visit, running into
Patrick Bateman who eventually figures out who “Jessica” is after
Facebook chatting with “her”. Some
very poignant points are
made during these chats,
about being a father, admitting Patrick's
failings, identifying that Young Sam Winchester/”Jessica” is a
pretty lonely kid, providing
a sad look into his relationship with his own dad and all that good
stuff.
Like this, but with less angels. destiel-and-supernatural-songs.tumblr
Patrick
Bateman therefore goes to Young Sam Winchester's house to confront
the kid about his part in spreading the picture that prompted the
suicide attempt. Meanwhile, That One Guy From The Purge has also
figured out what his kid did, reading the “Jessica” chats and
getting insight into his kid's attitude problems/general “activate
motherly instincts you didn't know you had”-ness. He answers the
door to find an enraged Patrick Bateman who KNOWS. *dun dun duuuuuun*
Redhead
Reporter's promises
to come save
Max Thieriot
as
a cover to get his address and send the FBI to raid the house, which
their awful pimp is somehow alerted to and escapes with
the kids to a motel. Max
Thieriot calls
Redhead Reporter to inform
her of this, and
as her guilt catches up with
her, she heads to the motel to pick
him up, saying she'll get
him out of the webcam
life. When she refuses to agree to concrete terms, such as letting
him live
with her, he realizes she was essentially using him to
further his career, too little too late offer to help
notwithstanding. He states
that she is
worse than his pimp (played by freaking MARC JACOBS) and storms
off, back toward the motel.
Redhead Reporter follows him, promising to help, when Max
Thieriot's horrible pimp,
who had been watching from the motel window the whole time steps
outside, fist raised, to intercede. *dun dun duuuuuuuun*
In
storylines we wish had more competent female leads land, Eric
Northman and Paula Patton get information about the guy that stole
their identity from That One Guy From The Purge and do a whole lot of
“We are certifiably stupid” by speaking to him at his job,
breaking into his home and having an emotional discussion while
parked outside his house. That One Guy From The Purge calls them
right
before they confront him to say that the
guy they've been stalking
was also a victim of the fraud, as
the real fraudster implicated the stalkee through
a proxy
IP adress. By then, the
stalkee has noticed them outside his home and knowing they've been trailing him, comes to investigate.
While Paula Patton (unconvincingly) tries to emotionally connect with
the guy, he orders Eric Northman out of the car...at gunpoint. *dun
dun duuuuuuuun*
I know, right??? bridalguide
Real
talk, I had to pee so bad from about 27 minutes into the movie but
the story-lines had me more than willing to risk permanent bladder
damage to see what happened
next. This
from a fan of inappropriate TMI that is usually quite alright with
googling movie plots and never seeing them through to the end, or
sometimes, not watching them at all. You would expect this movie to
bring the extreme feelz but you have the Evey Guarantee that no tears
will be shed. Even by those of us who legit wept our way through all
25 episodes of Shingeki no Kyojin.
If
you take nothing else from strangers who write on the internet, take
this: 'Disconnect' is the understated and underrated masterpiece you
need in your movie library. Many, many films have tried to pull off
the interconnected storylines format since “Crash” with often
unfortunate results, but this? You guys. Again, acquire this movie immediately, within the scope of the
law. #WeAreNotLegallyLiableForThis
For
random movie reviews & the thing my doctor calls “insomnia”,
this has been Evey G.
Pow! wifflegif
