Ah, the restless march of technology. I wanted to start off this post with a quote about how invasive "personal" technology is, like any good curmudgeon, but it's the end of the day and I'm much too lazy to Google one right now: to be delivered on Twitter tomorrow. Maybe.

Original image: imgur

Are you having a good week? I certainly am. With these cold Nairobi months just now kicking in, I'm discovering my Whitewalker heritage and enjoying my light cardigans in the face of the heavy trench coats favoured by my fellow Kenyans. Yes, darlings, I am....immune to cold. Okay, not really, y'all need to stop judging bloggers on the street wearing 4-6 layers of clothing. Surface area to volume ratio, people!

On to my agenda for the day: I'm a person who generally spends a lot of time in my own head and let me tell you, that is a scary place. The lizard overlords make us eat spinach! When I'm not actively ignoring my fellow man with my patented Unintentional BitchFace, or subtly reminding people that I'm better than them because I read complex books in public places, I'm immersed in the internet via phone
Anyone that has met me will probably not be able to tell you what the rectangular area smack in the middle of my face looks like. Like, seriously, I would dare them to describe my nose.


This is me. ...the pic is from like, last year.

As a result, I pay less than zero attention to my surroundings. I mean, sure, I've always got a fairly accurate picture of everyone and everything around me because I killed a spider once and I know his family wants revenge, so I notice "threats" faster than most people but unconsciously block out everything else. 
I didn't even know there were birds in my neighbourhood 'til I heard them this weekend. Having just read the Alchemist and experiencing a moment of unusual peace and clarity in what may have been a hallucination caused by overeating at Swahili Plate, it dawned on me: distractions. Specifically, of the mobile device variety.

It should pain me to say this at the ripe old age of below 30 but we need to unplug. Well, I do. You don't realise how much chaos you actually carry around in your head until you put that infernal device away (yes, that mans you too, reading this from your Galaxy Tab) and put your feet up for the day. Not even watching TV, mind you, the news these days...oy vey.

As I reclined in my onesie grown people PJ's recently, feverishly responding to texts and starting group chats about how Maziwa ya Nyayo needs to resume, but include adults & replace milk with pizza (and make free home deliveries), my Distractions Theory became even more specialized: I am an obsessive WhatsApp user.

It sounds like the most first world of problems, but I assure you it is a serious condition. I cannot count the number of times I've sat down to watch a series then ended up texting the first funny line, setting off a chain reaction of quote-swapping that culminates in a dazed me three hours later unable to tell you a single thing that happened on the show.

 Except this one. I can tell you about this one. popcultureplaypen

The minute something interferes with my ability to enjoy music (I cannot emphasize enough the benefits of LOUDLY singing along with Mohombi in a locked room. Dancing optional, but encouraged), it is officially a situation that needs urgent intervention.

As I write this, my phone is charging in another room. Yes, my entire plan for this is to put the phone at a slightly inconvenient length away then count on my laziness to deter me from getting up to retrieve the thing. Viva sloth power!

Now, I concede that some functions of the phone cannot be completely ignored, for instance, responding to texts from my Mum within exactly 7 minutes. While the Officers were very sweet about the "kidnapping" alert last time, I'm pretty sure I'll be put on a watch-list if it happens again. I can't be on a watch-list; they check those before they let you adopt cats.

 Mine. warwick.ac.uk

My point here is, aside from only the most urgent of communications from those that share the blood of my ancestors (not the Whitewalker side), I am off the grid. To this end, I've set myself a personal challenge: to fast from my greatest mobile vice, WhatsApp. This idea came to me in the dead of the night....at around 10:00pm while I watched Drawn Together in pajamas. Not everyone has friends, ok??
I could have easily said "stop phone surfing" but I know I've drastically cut down on that already and that would be cheating. Also, you probably shouldn't make bets with me.

I had previously uninstalled my WhatsApp in a bid to commit, but c'mon, watching well-intentioned group chats devolve into "I made that joke first" fights is kinda what Wednesdays are all about. Also, removing yourself from temptation in this case means you haven't conquered it, you just ran.
Hence, I have issued myself a challenge:

From today, until...Friday, I shall not WhatsApp unless it is an actual emergency. ....ok, I can look at messages, I just can't respond to them. Baby steps, right? Fine, compromise: since I will obviously be notified of WhatsApp messages when I switch on my wifi or data usage for innocent reasons, I am allowed to glance at the notification, but NOT the messages themselves. That way, I'll know I have 13 messages form 5 different conversations but not know which ones.  ....I just got withdrawal symptoms typing that.


Sure, it is super urgent that I forward that one gif of a lion cub hugging a panda (it happened!), but you know what else is important? The promise I made myself to write for my archives everyday, even if it was just a paragraph completely unrelated to what was previously written. Yes, I very urgently need to fan that flame war on the Twitter timeline, BUT I also didn't realise how badly I need to bond with my trusty old laptop and listen to Mariah Carey inform her lover that she Still Believed they would someday find themselves in love again.


I'm a writer so I shall sit and open a blank Open Office Word Processor (subtle Ubuntu propaganda is subtle) document, and simply allow my thoughts to run wild. Sure, I will occasionally get the literary masterpiece that is "Captain Lactaid and the Cheese Invaders" but the point here is that I will find peace. If you're a singer, crank up the tunes and bless us with your voice, as I bless the neigbours with mine: so much so that they bang on the walls to provide musical accompaniment.

I have made a commitment, ladies and gents. I will probably live-tweet what I can imagine the messages to be, and I just KNOW this is the week someone offers me a lifetime supply of Wine Gums if I respond within 6 minutes, but I shall persevere. So far so good, no messages read since probably Monday 7pm. ...10:00pm. Ok fine, today morning, WHATEVER my finger slipped. I should probably check the last message I sent to be sure and not mislead my loving audience, but I won't. Strong Evey. Until next time, darlings!



Bon apres midi mes amis! Full disclosure: I had no intention of doing a post today, BUT an impromptu shopping trip on Saturday has me all riled up to be stylish. ...well, to write about being stylish anyway *adjusts jeans and T-shirt*.

Now, I have made several proclamations about putting together outfits on this blog, and I AM still in the process of acquiring the pieces necessary to construct them, so allow me to add this to my pile:


Ladies and Gents, introducing my spirit animal, Monkey D Luffy. Yes, you knew this was going to go the anime way, but hear me out. Seriously, guys? Seriously? Luffy is FABULOUS.

Just got real. via lionheart24movieanime

This is Luffy in Gear Second, also known as "Bend Over and Kiss your Bum Goodbye because it is OVAH" mode. Now, I won't even front, One Piece is so beautifully written that certain bloggers may end up in tears at some of the story or character arcs. Not me, of course, other bloggers. Others.

What makes my day is how the character outfits correlate so completely believably to their personalities. Take our dear friend Luffy. Luffy is probably the single most happy go lucky individual ever to grace your screen, which is clearly visible in his style choices, or lack of them. 




Standard Luffy uniform is generally sandals (totes relate), jeans shorts, his red vest and of course, THE HAT. Mad simple right? For further purposes of style inspiration, and in kicking off the #WhatWouldLuffyWear movement, I have cataloged my favourite Luffy style moments below:


7. Afro Luffy

Because everyone knows Afros give you super powers. Try it and thank me later.


6. After Timeskip Luffy

The importance of accessorizing cannot be overlooked, even when kicking serious butt.
5. Girl Luffy
via cosplaycostumes.co

Technically not a Luffy outfit but how cute is that for December at the Coast! Or a sunny summer day to go feed bacon to bald eagles in the park? Insert your cultural reference for sunny frolicking here.

4. Sun-smart Luffy


Sun damage is real people! Use that sunscreen!

3. Practical Luffy



Here Luffy dons chic black cargo shorts, proving once and for all that they will never go out of style. His reason? He needed the pockets to carry more meat. For real. *sheds single tear* Teach me, Master.

 2. Freeze and Shine Luffy

via  comicvine submitted by flashdamn

Ladies, take note. As long as you're wearing a jacket in the frozen Kenyan winter of July, it is perfectly acceptable to wear shorts/short skirts. Hypothermia? Made up by doctors who are jealous of your swag.

1. Sir Luffy

ridiculously amazing image by xxraccaxxdavidxx on deviantart

This. Just....this. This ensemble is my everything. If you've watched the One Piece movie Strong World, you too were instantly struck blind by the waves of Awesome wafting out of your screen when the Mugiwara Pirates stepped onto the scene to stare down Shiki. I mean, good God, man, Luffy is in a TIE!
With this image comes the only style lesson you will ever need: if you can make sandals and a straw hat work with otherwise formal attire and a GUN? You can wear anything and look fabulous.
There. We can close fashion now, it's over.

Wishing you nothing but fabulousity and good cheer, au revoir.

 I know you can hear the laugh in your head. sophiebridgers

I'm fairly easy to live with. I don't fuss over small things, rarely ever get offended by something someone said, and I'm a firm believer in settling issues on the spot and moving on. I have been called "laid back", even by people who didn't owe me money, and the people that did commend the chill way in which I broke both their legs after they failed to pay up. What I'm saying here is, I'm generally easy going.

This may be why then, people fail to comprehend that certain things bug me. Little things that may seem negligible, which is ironic since most major slights leave me completely unmoved, key of these being the rather simple act of returning items that one had borrowed.


The great thing about having a blog is that typing up my passive aggressive rants gives them legitimacy: I'm not just a butt-hurt individual missing a mystery item, my concern is to be taken seriously because I took the time to write about it on the internet. When strangers know about your situation, it is officially a real thing.

I know you're out there nodding, bro with dreadlocks who hates when people touch them. You too, girl with just one stick of gum left and three takers hounding you. I understand, and I express my sympathy. Because we're not crazy, we just prefer to hold 6 year grudges over a book returned with a stain rather than have a fight with the jam/honey-fingered assailant.



Now for those of you reading this and thinking "Ha! I am such a better person than these crazies. I'm pretty sure that means I have Maturity Powers that come with being able to forgive. One of them was the ability to fly, right? I'll go check.", we hope your stay at the hospital was pleasant, and we're glad the casts make it impossible to stand because we have news for you: YOU ARE IN DENIAL. Yup, I see you. Every time Susan from down the street walks by, you will say hello without malice, but the very next thought to pop up in your head is "Great shoes. She must keep them in that hotpot I loaned her last Christmas".

via dinlogo

Understand, you wish her no ill will: while we, the Residents of PassiveAggressiva (due North of Westeros) may occasionally have vivid, frighteningly well thought out revenge plans that involve flame-throwers and anthrax-spiders, those are momentary, and we rarely mean any harm. We're just more likely to remember that one time we lent you a pencil that was returned with the top chewed up, and consequently, less likely to loan you one when next you ask. Nothing personal.

We mean you no harm at all. For realsies.survivingastroke

I would like to argue that by avoiding the discomfort and awkwardness that would come with questioning the veracity of your claim that you did, in fact, return that suitcase you borrowed for your December trip to Naxvegas (worst word ever), we are actually being very considerate; of you, and the people that would be forced to witness the debacle. We're actually fantastically nice people who always either avoid borrowing, or return promptly and in perfect condition, probably with the spine of that book professionally repaired. We hold doors open for people, we'll pay your fare in a cab, and expect nothing in return save that you offer the same kindness to the next person and make the world a better place.


So, brethren, let us draw strength from those that came before us and find solace in the knowledge that we are not alone. I propose the formation of a support group, where the Water Dispenser Reload saga of three weeks ago can be rehashed to your heart's content and I can write you all passive aggressive emails about not using coasters in my home. We can call it "Maybe Next Time You Could...". Nah, that's too long. Maybe "Thank.you *eyeroll*". Yeah, that works. Applications for membership can be sent in via email, members will receive ironic sticky notes to facilitate the posting of catty notes to workmates/schoolmates/roommates alike. All are welcome. Except people who bite their nails then try to touch my face. No. Just....no.

via catster

In summary, this may or may not have been a thinly-veiled "up yours" note dedicated to an individual who failed to return a mystery item that they'd borrowed or a barely disguised threat of torture to come for an individual who otherwise inconvenienced me. Or I may just understand your experience and want to put it out there in my own words, because of empathy. You be the judge. Either way, you just sat through one of my rants, which makes you an automatic member of Thank.you *eyeroll*, sooo YAY you!

Have a great weekend, and may the Patron Saint of Passive Aggressive drama and unreasonable requests be with you.

Also Patron Saint of Cat Ladies. diicaprios.tumblr

PS. Seriously, though, I just want my clicky pen back.



Surprise! An actual Monday post, presented on a Monday! In the great Sirs Monday tradition of Brevity, I present with minimal comment, the Masquerade Exhibition by Anthony Okello, hosted by the 1 Off Gallery.
Sir Okello's art is described by Nairobi Now as follows, and I quote:



In this exhibition, Okello’s explores the human psychology of disguise and the covering of true identity. He says the ‘masks hide the real intention of the wearer’.

The exhibit was to premier yesterday and is to run until 26th June. It is open for viewing daily from 11am-5pm save for Mondays and public holidays, therefore, loves, get to stepping. The location of the Gallery itself is a bit out of the way so there is an unfortunately high chance that I myself will not be able to take it to the show, but it is my civic duty to inform all you budding art appreciators of the awesomeness that is to be undertaken.

 via Anthony Okello

And that would be it for Sirs Monday this week. Wishing you the best as you countdown to Friday (I see you), from OHASZ, this is Evey G and my new roommate, signing out.

Quite. knowyourmeme

Greetings my precious darlings. 'tis Monday (hush now, you're confused and I'm right) yet again. This post was originally supposed to run on Saturday but heat exhaustion won out. To clarify, I am not at all allergic to the sun, and I am not at all partial to the night and bloody Marys, I'm just...not good with exposure. Also, if you got the pun in that sentence, write to me immediately, our wedding will be the stuff of legend.

Since, this is obviously what you loo like. adventuretime.wikia

Slowly making my way back to the point, after a particularly frustrating Friday morning, I saw it fit to get myself a little gift from this fabulous-looking place I've been eyeing for a bit. In the interest of becoming Supreme Overlord of the Free Worl-...erm...reading a Classic, I got myself this lovely little edition.


As you can see, I bought it new, which I rarely do. This is because, darlings, I have decided to officially start a personal library, as opposed to my current situation of "Stack of Books in the corner of my bedroom". So yay personal growth, no?

This is usually where I would plug an event that I intend to attend, but events of the day have given me new purpose. First, allow me to fan the flames on the Hair Wars issue. This article right here provides a list of successful female African authors who prefer their hair au natural. The implications of this? That I'm letting my unruly curls do their thing and I was looking for a way to tell the world.

Nobody shiv me with a curling iron, I love you all in equal measure. In Monday Like a Sir photography news, I have but one question: how much is your photography worth? Because there is at least one monkey whose work would sell for more than yours.

Yup, Mikki the Chimpanzee's pieces are to be sold at Sotheby's for a staggering $75,000 to $100,000. In case you don't have a calculator handy, allow me to save you the effort: between Kshs6.3 and Kshs.8.4 MILLION. Did I not warn you to have a seat? Mea culpa, I'm sure you're on the floor by now anyway. The pieces on question?

Yup. via salon.com

No, dear spambots and two readers, the blur is not an error on my part. If you clicked on the link you'll notice that all the pictures are similar. *sigh* I can't tell if this is one of those high art situations that I cannot comprehend or if we have just been expertly trolled. I'm just...I need a hug.


Or the next best thing. handycandy

Seriously, you guys, those are like CRACK. I literally go through 3-4 per day. Just, bury me in an eight foot deep pit filled with them and let me eat my way out. If I don't make it, at least I went out happy.

I'm trying very hard not to write blog post cheques my procrastination can't cash, so allow me to simply claim that there will be another post this week. The drafts folder of this blog overfloweth and I think I can find time to complete some of those....maybe. Do feel free to get your hopes all the way up: free chocolate if you're disappointed and can figure out where I'll be tomorrow at 03:00pm exactly.

'til next we meet, peace and love.

Mathematical! memebase


Buongiorno good peoples, and yes, according to me, it is still morning hours. If we're follow-friends on FaceTwit, you already know the image that's currently shining bright rays of rainbow sunshine down my throat this morning and probably forever:


That right there is Sir Richard Branson looking more fabulous than I ever will in a skirt suit, honouring a bet with the head of AirAsia, because this is how true Sirs do Dares. Hats off. Speaking of Sirs, 'tis my obligation to bring The Little Art Gallery to your attention, specifically the "At A Glance" exhibit running to the end of this month.


From the looks of it, there are a TON of incredible pieces, so I feel a wee bit guilty admitting that I'm mainly going to see the works of Gor Soudan. From the Gallery itself, the exhibit is described as:

The Kenya Cultural Centre is holding it’s 1st ever Contemporary Visual Arts exhibition dubbed ‘Art a Glance’ , it is a snippet of Contemporary Visual Arts in Nairobi. The exhibition is held in conjunction with The Little Art Gallery. It showcases artworks by 5 artists namely, Gor Soudan, Wycliffe Opondo aka Wiki, Anthony Mugo (all Kenyan), Ermias Ekube (Eritrea) and Adil Roufi (Morocco). The objective is to give the Kenya Cultural Centre’s audience a taste of what Contemporary Visual Arts diversity Nairobi has to offer – concept and style.

I want to say I'm going this Saturday, but chances are I'll end up going next weekend due to scheduling conflicts, namely the need to zombie-shuffle around the house in pajamas, but I WILL go, and hopefully, so will you. Support local artists, people!

And I worked really hard on it too.

Be nice: is it awesome, or is it SUPER awesome. In the interest of cleansing your palate with actual photography done by actual people who know about picture things, this article takes an uncharaceristically melancholy turn:

Full article available at environmentalgraffiti

I saw this post a while ago and....well, initially, I was depressed: it's terrifying to think of the circumstances facing other flesh and blood people exactly like yourself, and knowing one stroke of fate beyond your control could land you in situations you're ill equipped to handle. Just as strong was the...is "hope" or "inspiration" the proper term here? Seeing the resilience of the human spirit and how people in the worst of circumstances fight to make something better of the situation tends to put things in perspective. That right there is one of the images from one of the "homes" in the maze of Las Vegas underground storm drains. As in, where excess water goes when it rains.

As in one of these. Clusterflock

I won't write much about this because the author of the article, Karl Fabricius, has done an excellent job of it at Environmental Graffiti. What made me put the piece on my blog is how Mr Fabricius also captured the love and raw humanity of the residents, who as I said, seem to be doing their utmost best to be ok, circumstances notwithstanding. To the residents of this place, I salute you all, really, I do. If photographer Austin Hagrave managed to take these and not curl up in a weeping ball for the rest of the year, I salute him as well.

thepossibleworld

This is usually the part where a cute animal is included to make you smile before going on with your day, but guess what, if I have to be sad for the rest of the day, then so do you! For Monday Like A Sir with a side of "Never Leaving the House Again", 'tis I, the Depression Fairy, signing out. 

Schadenfreude? Me? Never. via anyainparis.tumblr


Bonjour my lovelies, been a minute, no? It seems that "The Mondays" have finally caught up to your friendly neighbourhood blogger, who is typing this so slouched in her chair, she may actually be sitting on her neck, listening to "Mirrors" by JT on Rick Dees.

 Actual Picture. chocopiex

In weekly highlights, I went to see Iron Man 3 over the weekend, and good Heavens, even thinking about it is recharging my Spongebob-Cheerful batteries. Expect a review-ish piece that will be spoiler heavy before the end of the week.

RDJ and Pepper have a son. collider

Fair warning, I have also been watching puhlenty of terrible reality TV, with a few surprising insights you wouldn't expect to find on a show that regularly features grown women in knock-down, drag-out fights over the most impressively preposterous issues. I will thus be featuring a piece about that which you'll have to read  because I said so, or we'll have a problem. Hold my earrings, gurl, it's about to go down.

Knock. Down. Drag. Out. fashionbombdaily

Sirs Monday must trudge on, though, and for today I offer the Kwani Trust Open Mic scheduled for May 7th, aka tomorrow. Because giving adequate notice is overrated.

 via Kwani Trust

I've been meaning to attend one of these since I first found out they existed but I would always find out about them the day or week AFTER so I'm quite proud of myself for catching this one in the absolute nick of time. Apparently, this whole Facebook thing can be useful, whod've thunk?

Presented without comment. epicfail

The event is ever so conveniently from 07:00pm so I will fo' sho' be making my fabulous appearance, hopefully I'll spot some of you there. Do say hello if you see me, I'll be the one dressed as a giant panda, texting in the corner.

Yup. Get it? You get it. You smart sexy beast, you.

Wishing you all a fruitful and annoyingly cheerful week: Evey G. Ms. Priestly, play me out.

Quite. buzzfeed