On Being Captain Save a Ho(bo) - Matatu Edition

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Note: At the time of this writing, Evey was having a very long day. She has since had a juicebox and taken a nap. This article has been edited for special grown-folks language. You may make a game of spotting edits and see who can find the most. Or don't, I don't know your life. Enjoy.

"S" for save-a-hobourbanlegendkampala

Class is in session folks, have a seat and let me tell you this shizzle that happened this morning. I'm here in the jav (public transport vehicle to my fancy readers) to Town minding my business when the conductor asks us to cough up our fare. I hand over Kshs.200, get my Kshs.100 change back, done, continue minding my business. 

This is a jav, though ours are a wee bit more rickety. blog.cheki.co.ke

Back to the life lesson: Homegirl seated next to me realises she has no money and is about to be thrown off the jav so she turns to me and asks me to pay for her, promising to get my number and refund me. At this point I'm thinking maybe she's a grifter, but on the other hand, shizwiz happens: she could be an unfortunate lady that forgot her money. There's a chance I might never see this cash again, but you know what? It's 100 bob. This is someone in need, what if it were me? 
 So I decide to hand it over, if she's lying, karma will find her at a later date, my conscience is clear. I pay. She pulls out her phone and gets my number to call me so I can get hers. Sister does no such thing, just pretends to punch buttons and puts it back in her bag. Right then I knew I'd never see the cash again but *shrug* I'm fine because I was ready for that possibility.

Not two seconds later she rummages in her bag and finds a punch (Kshs.500) so she hands it over to the conductor: he hands her Kshs.400 back without giving me my cash back. Homegirl puts that shizam in her purse and moves on with life, the conductor gets off the car, not realizing he has my Kshs.100. 

Now for me, the non-bishh move would be to give Saint Pay 4 a Witch (me) her cash back while I see wsup with the conductor. If you'll permit me Ebonics: This chick was acting like didn't nothing happen, wasn't nobody seated there. 

At this point, I'm getting irritated so I pipe up. "Homegirl, my shiwow? (paraphrasing)". Cue a long story about math before referring me to the conductor like she didn't have jack shipizza to do with it. I give her a look like "Seriously? This is actually happening?" and move on with surfing on my phone, deciding for the third time that it wasn't worth it.
Basically. scifiology

Lo and behold! I must have the traditional Gift of the Guilt bestowed upon Kenyan mums because after I resumed minding my business, the lovely lady veeeeeery reluctantly hands over the hundred to me and summons the conductor to get hers back. By then I was checked out of the situation, calmly accepting the offering and proceeding with he aforementioned activity of minding my business.

Moral of the story: no good deed goes unpunished, ......but do them anyway. Class dismissed.
To all the unrecognized Captain Save a Hobo's and Saint Pay 4 a Witch's out there: you are awesome, and you we appreciate you.

Three cheers. weknowmemes


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