Natural Hair: An Introduction

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Three guesses who's been taking down her braids since yesterday and keeps finding justifications to give herself commercial breaks? That's right, Queen Elizabeth. Also, me. 
It has just occurred to me that in spite of being Team Natural from birth (never relaxed my hair), having an intermittent interest in learning to manage my black hair better and firmly believing some of these natural videos are just straight up witchcraft, I have yet to make any mention of it on this here corner of the interwebs. Therefore, here we go: Natural Hair Tingz.

Natural Hair products
Yissssssss. Leave in conditioner, henna treatment/dye & heat protector.

Naturally, (hehehe) a lot can be said about 20some years of hair stuff, so to make sure I don't overwhelm y'all, I'll break it down into smaller installments that will stay in my drafts folder until Vladimir Putin's raw sexiness goes nuclear and kills us all and post over time, probably split into the following categories: 

The Basics
As I said, I've been Team Natural from birth. My wet hair reverts to spring coils that can be classified as 4B/4C depending on the alignment of the moon and Mars. It's also very light or "thin" which means it's fairly easy to straighten into a look that can pass for texturized, but also prone to frizzing in a way that can only be considered supernatural. I legit cannot even look at pink lotion without erupting into an afro, it's crazy. Basically, my hair is made entirely of middle fingers to me & my sanity.

Like this, but curly. weknowmemes

Sidebar: in highschool, I got strands of hair from a friend with thick hair (no further questions on how) and strands of my own under a microscope in the bio lab and my strands were actually way thinner than the average. Apparently, this is a thing? Granted, my ancestry is...complicated *waves to cousin with random blue eyes while being very black* so maybe that's it? 

Current Status
Technically, my hair texture should be easy to manage in it's curly glory, but being long, it's very prone to tangling while I attempt those fabulous natural hair styles I covet online. Mostly, I'm just faaaaaar too lazy to do all that flat twist business as often as is needed- I'll be accepting your "Positive Female Rolemodel" trophies via DHL, thank you.

I survive on washing, treating, then blowdry & flat ironing it at the salon, which I try to limit to once a month. I'm sure the people that do my hair are grateful for this since I'm an absolute nightmare as far as "Owwww, easy on the edges/No, blowdry in one direction/The heat on this is too high" demands are concerned.

Natural Hair Products
Once upon a time, I thought I was G and got light brown henna on my very very black hair. Needless to say, I looked like that old pair of black jeans we all wash too often if said jeans also got very drunk and fell in bleach: d.i.s.a.s.t.r.o.u.s. I dyed it back to black with a great henna hair colour/treatment (Inecto) & liked the defined black better than my natural hair colour, have been doing so about every 3 months ever since.
Day to day use, I'm big on coconut oil 'cause it's the only thing that works with my finnicky scalp AND hair the consistency of cat fur (Hi Mum).

My yearbook photo. I've...uh...lost some weight. cattime

I worked with Amla for a while which aside form being awesome for your hair, also smells like zombie diapers. 
If you take nothing else from this meandering ramble, go with this: TRESEMME SMOOTH SALON SILK SERUM IS THE HAIR MESSIAH.  Details to follow in the product review post that you will probably have to come to house to retrieve. I'll leave out cookies. 

Edges. Once upon a time, a lady convinced me to try Afro kinky pencil braids which looked amazing but would come to cost me my soul and about an inch off my hairline. I'm still recovering, almost 4 years later and my very bitchy hairdresser insists some of the hair loss is permanent (Hi Jeff), though I can't be sure if he's just being a terrible person. 
Furthermore, my scalp. Flaking doesn't begin to cover it, though oddly enough, it's only at the front of my head in some cruel twist of fate. Back when health insurance was a thing, I went to a dermatologist about it, who helped with exactly jack squat. So far, coconut oil (blessed be) does A LOT for the dryness, but I also just got an Oriflame product that better help or I'm suing everybody, you included.
These issues don't phase me, though: I know I'm our hair deity, the Goddess of Flawlessness is watching over me.

While waving at the peasants. femmehub

As far as introductory preview posts, I'd say this one was a winner, non? The eventual continuation will eventually be announced and posted eventually. *moonwalks out*


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