“Disconnect” (2012): Giant Thumbs Up & Movie Review

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It is 02:15am right now and I'm wide awake because shut up, that's not the point. What the point IS is the movie that just wrapped up on telly: “Disconnect”. Whatever you're doing right now, stahp: immediately open a new browser window and LEGALLY get the 2012/2013 movie asaptually, no joke.


Had to have the poster somewhere. moviegos

The TV guide blurb crawl thing noted the film as being about Jason Bateman (yaaaaaass) and Paula Patton (ugh) discovering the dark side of technology because yeah right like we read past 'dark side' & Jason Bateman. The name & lack of anything else to watch sold it for me immediately, and I opted to watch because I was hoping to see terrible things happen to terrible-at-acting (Baggage Claim) Paula Patton by way of being annoyed they picked her as the female lead.

Her? giphy

You guys. Guys. Jason Bateman stars as a high flying walking neglectful parent trope lawyer with a wife who was maybe a bowl of porridge because her contribution to the film was....y'know what? I have no idea. Lovely actress though, no shade. He has two kids, one a popular teen daughter and the other a socially awkard son with no friends who was not played by Micheal Cera, my fantasy man. Said lonely emo kid is a music composer? He meets this 'girl' on Facebook who was superbly played by Manti Teo's girlfriend, in her debut film role.

This timely reference brought to you by ACME industries. stlewis.blogspot

Much like your personal contribution to preserving the environment, said Jessica girl does not exist. (GO VOLUNTEER AT KARURA FOREST!!)
'She' is a stunning work of douchebaggy pranking by the kid who played Young Sam Winchester that bunch of episodes and his bizzaro friend named Fry. As it turns out, Young Sam Winchester is actually a pretty lonely kid who lives with his father, That One Guy From The Purge who used to be a cop but retired to spend more time with Young Sam Winchester after his wife died. He is also a private investigator of cyber crime. His latest case? A fraud involving Eric Northman in Average Joe cosplay that does this Viking deity zero hotness justice.

Precisely. popsugar

His character, however, is the amaze. A former marine married to Paula Patton (ugh) who lost their son somehow, he is now distant towards his wife because she's Paula Patton and also because grief. Said lady who is probably very nice in real life while being an unfortunate actress spends most of her time online selling art and speaking to people on a grief support chat site about their deceased child. A little (understandable) emotional adultery from Paula an online gaming addiction from Northman later, they find out their bank accounts have been drained and the police can essentially do nothing for them, hence the hiring of That One Guy From The Purge.

This One Guy From The Purge. dailymotion

A seperate, darker story line stars Redhead Reporter who gets a line on a teen webcam model, the lovely French kid whose name I actually Googled & will repetitively use as it's fun to spell (Max Thieriot) from “The House at the End of The Lane” and “Bates Motel”. Sidebar: how sad was his story there? When you find yourself rooting for the serial murder-kidnapper in the movie, the actor is goooood. Or, has a babyface that demands you sympathize and cook him soup, whatever. Sidebar, over. Redhead Reporter gets Max Thieriot to tell her about the house where he and other underage video models live in a kinda heartbreaking expose that gets aired on the local news and eventually picked up by CNN. Here, the FBI get involved and demand Max Thieriot's  address so they can go rescue the kids, which she's advised to do by her company's lawyer, Patrick Bateman.

Patrick, by the way, is dealing with the fact that his composer emo son tried to kill himself after a compromising picture of himself he sent “Jessica” is shared around the school by Young Sam Winchester, because being a teenager wasn't hard enough. Said emo teen is hospitalized in a coma and Young Sam Winchester, feeling guilty goes to visit, running into Patrick Bateman who eventually figures out who “Jessica” is after Facebook chatting with “her”. Some very poignant points are made during these chats, about being a father, admitting Patrick's failings, identifying that Young Sam Winchester/”Jessica” is a pretty lonely kid, providing a sad look into his relationship with his own dad and all that good stuff.

Like this, but with less angels. destiel-and-supernatural-songs.tumblr

Patrick Bateman therefore goes to Young Sam Winchester's house to confront the kid about his part in spreading the picture that prompted the suicide attempt. Meanwhile, That One Guy From The Purge has also figured out what his kid did, reading the “Jessica” chats and getting insight into his kid's attitude problems/general “activate motherly instincts you didn't know you had”-ness. He answers the door to find an enraged Patrick Bateman who KNOWS. *dun dun duuuuuun*

Redhead Reporter's promises to come save Max Thieriot as a cover to get his address and send the FBI to raid the house, which their awful pimp is somehow alerted to and escapes with the kids to a motel. Max Thieriot calls Redhead Reporter to inform her of this, and as her guilt catches up with her, she heads to the motel to pick him up, saying she'll get him out of the webcam life. When she refuses to agree to concrete terms, such as letting him live with her, he realizes she was essentially using him to further his career, too little too late offer to help notwithstanding. He states that she is worse than his pimp (played by freaking MARC JACOBS) and storms off, back toward the motel. Redhead Reporter follows him, promising to help, when Max Thieriot's horrible pimp, who had been watching from the motel window the whole time steps outside, fist raised, to intercede. *dun dun duuuuuuuun*

In storylines we wish had more competent female leads land, Eric Northman and Paula Patton get information about the guy that stole their identity from That One Guy From The Purge and do a whole lot of “We are certifiably stupid” by speaking to him at his job, breaking into his home and having an emotional discussion while parked outside his house. That One Guy From The Purge calls them right before they confront him to say that the guy they've been stalking was also a victim of the fraud, as the real fraudster implicated the stalkee through a proxy IP adress. By then, the stalkee has noticed them outside his home and knowing they've been trailing him, comes to investigate. While Paula Patton (unconvincingly) tries to emotionally connect with the guy, he orders Eric Northman out of the car...at gunpoint. *dun dun duuuuuuuun*

I know, right??? bridalguide

Real talk, I had to pee so bad from about 27 minutes into the movie but the story-lines had me more than willing to risk permanent bladder damage to see what happened next. This from a fan of inappropriate TMI that is usually quite alright with googling movie plots and never seeing them through to the end, or sometimes, not watching them at all. You would expect this movie to bring the extreme feelz but you have the Evey Guarantee that no tears will be shed. Even by those of us who legit wept our way through all 25 episodes of Shingeki no Kyojin.

If you take nothing else from strangers who write on the internet, take this: 'Disconnect' is the understated and underrated masterpiece you need in your movie library. Many, many films have tried to pull off the interconnected storylines format since “Crash” with often unfortunate results, but this? You guys. Again, acquire this movie immediately, within the scope of the law. #WeAreNotLegallyLiableForThis

For random movie reviews & the thing my doctor calls “insomnia”, this has been Evey G. 

Pow! wifflegif

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