On Needing a Captain Save a Ho(bo) - Street Douchenozzles Edition

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Prologue: Find an introduction to Captain Save a Ho(bo) here.

The Set Up
Early this month, a good friend I hadn't seen in literal years sashayed back into town, so of course, catch up plans were hastily made. An eventful day of lunch, lounging and 2 years worth of gossip followed and a good time was had by all. That's not where this story begins.

At about 08:45pm, we were done with our shenetigens (copyright: Joseline Hernandez) and headed home. If you're familiar with Nairobi Town, you know where Archives is. My friend headed down towards Bus Station and I, the opposite direction to catch a bus home.

While we were saying our protracted goodbyes and "love your hair"s, a group of guys walks past us, with one of them (we'll call him SRSLY?) essentially stopping to look at me, then moving on with his friends and stopping a little farther ahead. Before you ask, YES these are things I notice when walking around because I need to know when to cross the street to avoid an ambitious rando.

Hey, boo. joyreactor

The Escalation
Now solo, I headed up the way the guys had gone and summoning my fiercest Resting Bitch Face, attempted to walk by them staring stonily ahead. At this point SRSLY? decides to run up beside me and say hello. Who hasn't received an unwanted hello? My default reaction is usually to act like the saluter is Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense and I'm not Haley Joel Osment, while speedily getting the hell up outta there, which I do here.

Naturally, I'm now on high alert; and proven correct when I hear a group of voices behind me and a distinctive "Nah, relax, I know her". Yup. Following the principles I was taught playing peek-a-boo as a toddler, I decide if I don't look at him, he doesn't exist.
Shortly, "Hi" sounds uncomfortably close to my left.

What? is there something on my face? hollywoodhorrormovies

The "Why Aren't Tasers Legal in Kenya"
I feel I need to explain: I am not a big girl. I couldn't hit 50KGs in Timberlands, and I'm not particularly tall. One of my high-school teachers used to make a point of telling me to be careful over school holidays as I can easily be stuffed into someone's duffel bag and never be seen again. She was the best. My point is, here is this group of guys, led by Mr Insist Until She Gives In and I'm by my lonesome.

This was taken last year. liveluvcreate

The following conversation then proceeds to happen:

SRSLY?: That wasn't fair. At least say hi to people you know
Me:           I don't know you

(At this point, I walk away to the right, putting proper distance between us but still in the vicinity of my matatus)


SRSLY?: My name is "whatevertheheck"
Me:          *silence*
SRSLY:   I said, my name is "whatevertheheck".
Me:          That's nice
SRSLY?: What's your name
Me:          I don't have one *walk a bit farther away*
SRSLY?: That's not fair. At least I know I'm good. *his friends finally get him to go away*

I get a matatu and head home to recount this story to everyone on my WhatsApp. My girls were, as expected, sympathetic, having been in that position themselves numerous times.
The guys...a mixed bag. Some understood where I was coming from, some laughed and said I was unnecessarily mean, and the real gems said I should have just had a conversation with him. "Kwani what's so hard about saying hi?". (Guess who immediately had 'Creeper' added to their name in my phonebook and win a Channing Tatum cut out.)

Specifically, this one. beautyandthedirt

My Perspective
From where I'm standing, when you're alone and being essentially accosted by a group of gents around other people, the safest thing is to show you are not voluntarily involved from the get go.
The way I see it, if the crowd waiting for javs with me sees from the beginning that I'm uncomfortable, should things escalate to a physical confrontation or necessitate me to yell for help, I am more likely to receive assistance.
In a situation where people see you laughing and conversing with this group, then asking for help when things go South, they are likely to interpret it as a domestic squabble and continue to mind their own business (although in Nairobi, short of literally being on fire, folks are likely to mind their business anyway).

#ButThatsNoneOfMyBusiness marketmenot

Epilogue: Guys, if you pull this stunt/endorse it, you are a DOUCHENOZZLE. Stop that. Stop. Go forth and be gentlemen.


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