Edgar Allan Poe Wrote Resident Evil

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Yes, dear imaginary reader, you read correctly. Edgar. Allan. Poe. Wrote. Resident. Evil. My proof:

Several centuries ago (it was centuries ago, right? I'm sure someone will correct me in the comment section....IF I HAD ONE. #MemePlug) Where was I?
Oh yes, many centuries ago lived the man widely revered as the Goth Messiah, founder of all things emo and tragic: E.A. Poe.
Now, being a budding hipster, it is my constitutional duty to be up to speed with classic literature that lends itself to name dropping and semi-smooth conversation plugging.
"Oh yeah, totally, that new Lady Gaga track totally reminds me of that one verse in "Annabel Lee".... Oh, it's just this tragic and timeless poem, you've probably never heard of it..."

Esoterism (new word, shut up) demands, therefore, that I have read his collection of short stories in their entirety. Having done so, and having recently learnt of the new Resident Evil movie, and having just heard of the Ebola outbreak in neighbouring Uganda, your Friendly Neighbourhood Hipster had a fit of the Paranoids and began to devise survival strategies for when the virus inevitably crosses the border.
"Wear a hazmat suit over a hazmat suit inside one of those medical bubbles for kids with no immune system. Hazmatception. *pause to guffaw like a sir*. Come to think of it, a bunker might be a better idea. With sealed ventilation and water recycling and......."
My brilliant strategizing tapered off as my brain matter exploded onto my laptop: UNDERGROUND BUNKER.

Now, in the spirit of never getting to the point, I would like to take this opportunity to describe in painstaking detail the components of my lunch today, but I shall not. Instead I shall get to the gist of this rambling train of thought; walk with me:

 The Masque of The Red Death by E.A. Poe

  • Mysterious plague ravages the land
  • The fabulously wealthy and nobility decide to build an underground bunker to stay safe from infection
  • They do so
  • Bunker plan epic success, elitists decide to throw self-congratulatory party (hitherto known as a "Masque" or masquerade ball)
  • Dude that nobody knows shows up, in a mask as per the theme.
  • Don't clearly remember the next part but I'm pretty sure everyone starts to panic, or something?
  • Turns out the dude was the physical embodiment of the plague they were avoiding ie the Red Death ( Masque of the Red Death, geddit?)
  • Plague murderizes all of everyone

Pretty simple, kind of straight forward, awesome story filled with awesome. Now, we take a look at Resident Evil, Hark!

  • Mysterious plague ravages the land
  • Fabulously wealthy corporation (incidentally, who released the virus for...reasons?) build underground bunker to stay safe from epidemic
  • Plan backfires fabulously when living embodiment of awesome Kung Fu skills in heels, who is also immune to and/or was infected with the virus (?) shows up
  • Murderizes most of everyone

In conclusion: Edgar Allan Poe is a time travelling warlock who returned from the past to plagiarize his own work into a modernly relevant masterpiece. Or he is the reincarnation of the great prophet Nostradamus who comes to save the human race by warning of The Great Plague that shall bring society to its knees. Or he's a cross-dressing shape-shifter who reeeeeally wanted to wear a red dress and kill zombies in heels. Kinky, very far outside the mainstream...kinda Hipster actually....excuse me *goes to purchase Grimoire to attain time-travelling and shape-shifting Dark Magic powers*

The POINT, has been pointed ladies and gents, and the case for supernatural chicanery made. E.A Poe, godfather of the Darkness, indeed authored the modern literary film classic, Resident Evil. Or the writers read the short story. Either way.


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